Cherishing My Children

Why I Nurse in Public

2012-02-21T10:07:00.000-08:00

I don't usually admit this, but I'm not completely comfortable nursing in public.

I try to silence these thoughts, but I still wonder what passersby are thinking. I hold an ever-vigilant finger on my shirt so that nothing will be exposed if my gregarious 10-month-old decides to pop up and say hi. I hope this isn't the time I'll be asked to move or cover up or leave the premises.

And yet I continue.

I'm doing this for my daughters. For everyone's daughters. I hope that someday, no mother will ever have to try to push these thoughts from her mind or else hide while she nurses her baby.

I believe no mother should feel like she has to make her baby sweat under a stuffy blanket, so she can keep an eye on her toddler climbing at the park.

I believe no mother should have to frantically search for a dressing room with a screaming baby in her arms.

I believe no mother should feel like she needs to add pumping to the already gargantuan effort of getting her small children out of the house.

I believe every mother should be able to take her older children for a fun day at the zoo or the museum without worrying about where she can conceal herself while she nurses her baby.

So, despite the hesitation I feel sometimes, I've determined to be the change I want to see in the world. I hope when my daughters nurse their babies in public, their only worry will be whether or not they packed a burp cloth to catch some spit up.

Penelope: 10 Months

2012-02-20T19:46:00.000-08:00

Penny just cut her sixth tooth. She now has four on top and two on bottom.
We're still not sure if she's saying any words besides "mama." She says "ba" a lot when she sees the bathtub and bubbles.
She likes to walk behind her push toy and is cruising quickly.
She's interested in putting toys into containers. She likes to stick magnets to the fridge and was trying to stick one to my leg today.
She never sits still. Even when we're somewhere busy like the library or a big play group, she crawls as much as 30 feet away and will play for a while before looking around to see where I am or crawling back to me.
She also crawls up to other moms and tries to get into their laps or play with their shoes.
She woke me up one morning with open mouth kisses.
Her first joke was pretending to bite my sleeve when I put more food on her tray.
She doesn't have patience for books yet. She likes to open and close them or chew on them while I read to Lydia.
She loves to swing and play in the sand but still tries to eat it.
Penny has learned to crawl up to us and wave her arms when she wants to be picked up.
She takes two naps a day, 30 minutes to an hour each time. She doesn't sleep very long by herself right now.
She's started spitting up and throwing up a lot and we're not sure why.

Lydia at 3 1/2

2012-01-19T18:31:00.000-08:00

Things I want to remember about Lydia at 3 1/2

She loves to practice counting. She will line up or arrange the items she wants to count and then very deliberately point at each item. The highest we've heard her count accurately to is 10.
She's fully into the Why Stage now, sometimes asking quite complex questions about things that happened hours or days ago.
She also asks, "What would happen if..." a lot. Today she wanted to know what would happen if she shut the fold-out changing table while Penny was lying on it. One time she asked what would happen if someone thought our cart was their cart and took it while we were grocery shopping. Sometimes she giggles and sometimes the question are more serious to her.
She spelled her first word, "zoo," several months ago. She recognizes most letters and knows many sounds. She recognizes some numbers.
She has imaginary friends now. Collectively, they are "my girls" and their names vary depending on who she's played with or read about recently. She's particularly attached to her baby Melissa and sometimes nurses her and puts her to bed. Recently, she invented "clothes girls," which means she pulls all her clothes out of her closet and pretends they are girls to play with.
She often pretends her name is something else and introduces herself this way to people. Some of her favorites are Audrey, Isabella, and various princess names. She makes up names too.
She still loves climbing and will occasionally slide by herself. She prefers me to slide with her.
She's becoming interested in scary things, pretending that she can't get out of the livingroom because a wolf is in the way. EW showed her a little bit of Star Wars so she could see Princess Leia fighting.
She likes to make up songs and rhymes. Most of her songs have some nonsense lines, but she made up one complete song recently at the zoo. Here's Lydia singing "Ducks Love Grapes."

Penelope: 9 Months

2012-01-16T19:39:00.000-08:00

Penny is busy cutting her four front teeth on top, but only two have come through so far.
We're pretty sure that mamama means me. We think that mamama in the highchair might mean "more." She grins whenever I sign "more." Mostly, she shrieks when she runs out of food.
We discovered she's allergic to wheat when she had a bite of pancake last month. Her face and hands got very itchy, her face broke out with a few hives, and then she threw up.
She's loving lots of other solid foods though. She's eating ground turkey, chicken, peas, beans, bananas, sweet potato, carrots, pears, peaches, puffed and cooked rice, avacado.
Penny is learning how to clap (with closed fists) and to wave. She likes to bounce up and down when she sees someone dancing. She also likes to hold out a hand and for us to bump it or get it.
She also likes to imitate our laughter and other sounds. Lydia and Penny like to shriek, squeal, and giggle back and forth with each other.
She knows her way around the entire house crawls to find whoever (or whatever) she wants.
She plays happily with her toys on the floor a lot of the time, even crawling off into another room to play by herself. When she wants to nurse or gets tired, then she crawls to me and follows me until I pick her up.
Penny loves baths. She crawls into the bathroom to reach over the tub and splash in the water when Lydia takes a bath.
Penny and Lydia like to wrestle together, which mostly means Lydia pulls Penny over on the floor.
Penny has tested out cruising a little bit, but mostly just pulls up and stands, then crawls elsewhere.

The Plot Thickens

2011-12-08T17:26:00.001-08:00

Before today, Lydia's appreciation of Tangled could be mostly summed up with the words: princess! long hair! purple dress!

Lydia follows the plots of shows like Max and Ruby and Wonder Pets pretty well, but longer movies seem to mostly go over her head.

I popped Tangled in the Playstation this afternoon because I was tired, and I wanted to rest and snuggle on the couch with my little girl. I expected to hear comments about Rapunzel's bare feet and the flowers in her braid.

But Lydia's mind was on a mission to understand the plot at a deeper level. I heard a continuous stream of questions:

"Why did she take the baby? Is that the prince? Who are those other guys? Why are they running? Whose crown is that? What is that horse doing? Why does Rapunzel have to stay in the tower? Why is Rapunzel sad? Where did the prince go? Why are they trying to put Rapunzel in a bag? Who's the guy with the white face? Why does Rapunzel's pretend mama want her hair? Why is her hair gray now? Why...?"

I didn't get any rest until after movie, but instead I witnessed Lydia's mind open up to a whole new level of storytelling.

Our Advent Calendar

2011-12-04T07:00:00.000-08:00

While pulling out the Christmas decorations, I found this package of envelopes. I wrote numbers 1-24 on them and had an advent calendar.

Well, not quite.

I found a list of scriptures to read during advent and slipped those inside each envelope.

Then I planned out our countdown-to-Christmas activities. I wrote out the fun things I wanted to do together--going to see Christmas lights, baking cookies, getting out the Christmas books--and wrote down some nice things I wanted us to do for other people.

Planning out exactly when we are going to do each activity seemed too strict to me though, so I cut up the list into slips and put them all in another envelope on top of the fridge. Every few days, I fill up the next few envelopes depending on the weather, if Daddy will be home, and our other activities.

Toddler Angst, Version 3.5 (Or Lydia Tries To Ruin Christmas)

2011-12-01T19:23:00.001-08:00

About a month ago, Lydia went crazy. She's sobbed in the library over not getting to play with her favorite princess there. She tries to push over the baby. She collapses on the floor and cries that she's "a tiny baby who can't even walk yet."

As I tried to figure out what was going on with her, I remembered posting about similar behavior almost exactly a year ago. In More Toddler Angst, I described how she invented problems, swiping barrettes out of her hair while sobbing, "They're falling out!"

What's going on is what a lot of moms describe as the half-year disequilibrium. In It Must Be Hard To Be Hard 2 1/2, I said, "From what I've read, toddlers and preschoolers often go through a period of disequilibrium at the half year mark. They often seem very out-of-sorts and less able to control themselves than earlier in the year. But it's all part of the huge amount of growing they're doing."

It's hard when you've come to expect a certain level of behavior from your child. For example, Lydia's always been gentle with her sister. Other than trying to touch her eyes when Penny was first born, she's never been rough. Until now. At least she usually announces it.

"I'm going to kick Penny!"

Or "I'm going to push her over!"

She's also always been gentle with the Christmas tree. At 18 months old, I could tell her to leave the lights alone, and after a couple checking-to-see-if-I-meant-it probes, she left the lights alone and just played with the other kid-friendly decorations.

This year, I walked into the living room to find pieces of the branches on the floor. Unfortunately, I didn't have the best response to this at first. It made me mad and I was trying to sit down to nurse the baby. I told her to stop and she broke off another piece. So I marched her out to the office to be with Daddy.

Forcing her away from me only escalates the problem though. She ran back to the living room. Daddy pulled her onto his lap and talked to her about the tree wouldn't look nice if we broke the branches off. Christmas wouldn't be much fun without a tree, we told her. We tried telling her, "You have to sit with Daddy until you can tell us you'll be gentle with the tree."

That wasn't necessarily a bad approach, except it didn't address the real problem.

Hence, her response, complete with a gleeful grin: "I'm going to ruin Christmas!"

By now my initial anger had cooled and I tried to step back in my mind from the mess in the living room. I recently read Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn, and some of his words came to mind,

"Our main question shouldn't be 'How do I get my child to do what I say?' but 'What does my child need--and how can I meet those needs?'" (p. 118)

So I said, "You might feel like that, but we love you too much to let you ruin Christmas. If you feel like you need to break things, let's go outside and find something to break."

We went outside together and kicked some empty crates off the deck. She tore up some old artwork. I broke some sticks. We got some ice from the freezer, threw it, and watched it shatter.

Feeling better, we went inside. I started dinner, and Lydia played by herself with her My Little Ponies for a while.

The coolest part of the story happened next.

Lydia walked walked through the kitchen, got my dustpan, and went back to the living room. Without my prompting, she picked up all the broken branches and put them in the trash. She got Daddy to help her vacuum under the tree and put the tree skirt back. I suggested he show her how to water the tree so she could help keep it nice for everyone.

She hasn't tried to ruin Christmas since.

Penelope: Seven Months

2011-11-19T17:57:00.001-08:00

The last month has been full of firsts.

Penny can sit by herself. She even went for her first grocery cart ride this week and loved it.
Penny worked very hard this month learning how to crawl. First, she learned how to push herself up from her tummy to sitting. Then she started crawling backwards, sometimes getting stuck under a chair or against the wall. Now she's starting to venture into different rooms.
She tried a few more foods--carrot, sweet potato, chicken, oatmeal, applesauce, and peas. She threw up the oatmeal, the peas stop her up, and she doesn't like applesauce.
She started babbling "bababa" and "mamama" and signing "nurse."
She gets really excited when she sees us. When Daddy came home one day, her face lit up in a big grin and she started crawling towards him.
She generally takes a short nap in the morning a couple hours after she wakes up. Then she takes a longer nap around 1 or 2 in the afternoon.

Here she is watching the guitarist at our favorite restaurant.

I've Been Waiting For This Day

2011-10-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

My husband and I are not dog people. We're both allergic to cats. We've been married 7 1/2 years and have not owned even a fish.

When I was growing up, my family had lots of different pets--dogs, birds, gerbils, fish. As much as I don't want ~~another being in the house to clean up after and feed~~ the responsibility of caring for an animal right now, I don't want to deny my children the fun of furry...or scaly...or slimy...friends. I've been reading about various animals trying to decide which ones I might feel the most amenable to. And I've been wondering when Lydia would realize that pets were a possiblity.

Tonight at dinner, she said, "How about if we grow a fruit tree?"

"What kind?" I asked.

"An apple tree."

I explained that we could plant one at our next house, but we will probably move from this one before the tree would start making apples. "We could grow some plants in the spring," I told her. "Right now it's getting too cold to grow plants, but when it gets warm in the spring we could grow a tomato plant or a cucumber plant."

"I want to grow a bush," she said and giggled. I think maybe "bush" sounds funny to her.

After the laughter over bushes subsided, Lydia grinned at me. Her eyes lit up, and she finally uttered the words, "What about a pet?"

"What is a pet?" I asked her, curious to see if she knew.

"It's an animal that lives in your house!"

Okay. "What kind of an animal are you thinking of?"

"A dog!"

Of course, the one pet I don't want, but have no good reaons why. (My husband has the excuse that he used to read electric meters. Me, I'm just a curmudgeon.) So I said, "We aren't allowed to have animals in this house," I said. "But in our next house, we could have one. How about a rabbit or a guinea pig?"

"I like rabbits!"

"What would you think of a fish?"

"It could swim in a tank!"

I nodded.

"I want a pig!"

And so it begins.

Penelope: Six Months

2011-10-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

A few things I want to remember about Penelope at six months...

She loves to roll! We're already starting on babyproofing, and she's not even crawling. She'll roll over to Lydia and to play near her. She'll roll under my office chair to get to the computer cords. In fact, she arches her back in my lap and tries to slide down to the floor so she can go play. Occasionally, she gets lost behind the footstool or stuck under a shelf and fusses for some help.
She's not sitting up yet. She can stay propped up with her hands for about a minute, but then she lunges forward or to the side so she can...roll!
Sometimes she falls asleep just sitting in my lap or even playing on the floor. She also loves to snuggle into Daddy's chest to fall asleep. Some days she naps for hours, and others for only 30 minutes here and there.
She tried to wrest some avacado out of my hand a couple weeks ago, and I let her have a little. She promptly spit it out. This week, I gave her a spear of banana, and she seems to like that better.
She loves to blow with her lips, grunt and make choking noises, and squeal.
She has two bottom teeth and lots of little blond hairs filling in the light brown she was born with. Her eyes are almost completely brown.
She loves to watch Lydia (and grab her hair). If I walk out of the play room for a few minutes, Penny will protest if she's by herself, but not if Lydia is nearby.
She likes to bang her hand on any hard surface, pound and rub toys on her highchair tray, or her most recent discovery, hitting toys on the legs of my office chair.
Sometimes she gets upsets if someone takes a toy from her. She'll often hold the same toy all afternoon.
If someone besides Daddy or me hold her where she can't see us, she'll suddenly get upset after a few minutes. But she's very social and will smile and coo at most anyone who looks at her (including the Huggies baby on the side of the box).
She has lots of giggles.

I Looked Everywhere for You!

2011-10-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

Those were the words Lydia sobbed to me this afternoon.

Penny was fussy, so I decided to take her outside for a little bit and chat with EW while he worked on his car. "I'm going out front to see Daddy," I told Lydia. "You can come outside if you need me."

I left her playing happily with some toy bunnies in the living room.

About 15 minutes later, I heard Lydia trying to turn the handle of the door that leads to the garage. She can usually open this door, but it sounded like she was having trouble, so I went to let her outside.

I didn't expect to find her sobbing hysterically. "Mama!" Gasp. Sob. "I neeeeded you!" Gasp. Sob.

I handed the now-content Penny off to EW, so I could gather my despondent daughter into my lap. I hugged her close. "It's okay. Mama's right here."

Sob. Gasp. "I need a sn...sn...snack!"

"Okay, I'll get you a snack. Did you get hurt? What happened?"

More sobbing. "I looked e...e...everywhere for you!"

I almost started crying myself. "Oh, Honey. Did you forget I told you I was going outside?"

"Y...y...yes."

I held her until she quieted, then poured her a bowl of Rice Krispies. I sat with her and we chatted. But I was thinking about how to help her. I didn't want the incident to end with her feeling so powerless.

She's had trouble finding me before. The first time we played hide-and-seek, I picked too hard of a hiding place (i.e. not in plain sight). She looked in several rooms and even opened the back door, but her seeking skills weren't developed enough yet to know to check behind a door...even if I did cough a few times to help her out. That game ended in tears, and I sure felt like a bad mommy. Another time I laid down with Penny for a few minutes to settle her, and Lydia couldn't find me. She cried then too. Now I always hide in plain sight. I always tell her where I'm going.

But I didn't think she'd forget.

As she ate her Rice Krispies, we talked about how she'd felt scared. How she couldn't open the door. "I was so frustrated!" she told me. I reminded her that even if she can't find me, I will always come back to her.

We practiced opening the door. I asked her what could help her remember where I am.

"I could come with you! I could bring 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 bunnies!"

"What if you don't want to come? What if you want to keep playing inside?"

She ate another spoonful of cereal.

I had an idea. "What if I draw you a picture?" I asked her. "I could draw a picture of me and of a car, so you'd remember I'm outside by Daddy's car."

She smiled. "And you can draw a horse on it too." (Daddy's car is a Mustang. A car with horses on it is very impressive to Lydia.)

"Okay. I'll draw a picture of me and a car with a horse on it."

"You can draw it on my easel." I wasn't sure how much good that will do if she's not playing by the easel at the time, but I agreed.

I don't know if this plan will work, but I liked that it helped us talk about what happened, process her fears, and work on problem-solving together.

How a Mom of Two Makes Cookies

2011-10-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

Making Cookies Before Children

Find recipe.
Check that I have ingredients.
Make cookies.

Making Cookies With Two Children

Find recipe.
Decide to substitue coconut milk and oil to make cookies dairy free. Thankfully, this recipe is already egg free.
Put on apron. Put on toddler's apron. Toddler gets stepstool.
Put baby in highchair.
Measure one cup of sugar. Sprinkle a couple grains on the counter for toddler to taste.
Baby starts crying. Take off apron, sit on couch, and nurse baby.
Put baby back in highchair. Put apron back on.
Measure another cup of sugar. Toddler asks for more tastes.
Tell toddler that we don't eat sugar by itself. Toddler says she's hungry.
Cut up plum for toddler.
Hear lots of grunting and tooting from the highchair.
Check baby's diaper. Quickly whisk baby off to be changed.
Put baby back in highchair.
Finish making cookies.

Preschool Friends (Or She Put My Daughter In a Cage)

2011-07-30T18:07:00.000-07:00

Until a few weeks ago, Lydia's main worry around other children was whether or not they would steal her toys.

But a few weeks ago, I noticed her playing at the mall playground with two other little girls. She was very excited because they were wearing princess dress-up clothes just like she was. They chased each other and pretended they were birds sitting on eggs. I couldn't help but listen to some of their conversation. "I'm five!" announced one girl. "I'm four!" said the other. Lydia replied, "I'm Aurora!"

Another day, I saw her helping a smaller girl climb and slide. I'd never her seen her so conscious of a smaller child's needs before.

Today, Lydia made a friend at the library. They rode stuffed dragons, looked at the gerbils, and picked out videos. Then they sat down by the computers and Lydia watched the other girl play.

It soon became clear that the other girl was definitely in charge. "Stay in that chair," she told Lydia. Then a few minutes later, "Go get me some books and some videos."(I enthusiastically suggested they pick out books together, and they did.)

The other girl pushed another chair up next to Lydia's, blocking her in. I heard another "Stay in that chair!"

So I asked Lydia if she wanted to stay in the chair. "You don't have to do what other kids say," I told her.

"I'm having fun," Lydia assured me. "We're playing Cage."

Great, I thought, but I left them alone. I continued to keep my eye on them because I had a feeling that Lydia was going to get overwhelmed by the other girl at some point.

After a while, Lydia looked at me, her face starting to crumple. "Mama..."

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I want to go home."

"Okay, we can go."

"But she wants me to stay here forever and ever and ever."

So I explained again, "You don't have to do what she says. If you want to go home, we can say, 'I'm all done now. Thanks for playing. Bye-bye.'"

"It's too hard for me."

So I said it for her.

She talked all the way home and through dinner about the little girl who wanted her to "stay at the library forever and ever." I told her many times that she doesn't have to do what other kids say, and that if she ever needs help while she's playing, I'll always help her.

I just hope she listens.

When it's too hot to swim...

2011-07-14T18:36:00.001-07:00

...I bring the pool inside.

I dumped a bunch of beans in the pool and gave her some cups and containers to scoop with. In this picture, a toy hippo has joined her to wallow in the "mud."

I've tried letting her play with beans before because I've heard that it's a fun sensory activity. When we tried it on the kitchen floor, the beans ended up all over the kitchen. After all, the sound of millions of tiny, hard objects hitting the tile is music to a toddler's ears.

But not to mine.

Next time, I gave her a box of beans on the deck. She dumped them out, and beans kept sprouting in our backyard for the next two months.

The kiddie pool is the perfect solution. It's big enough that she can hear the wonderful sound of beans pouring out in every direction, but small enough to keep them in one area so she can still play with them.

Before I let her in the pool, I told her in my most serious voice that all the beans had to stay in the pool. Later, when one bean stuck to her foot after she climbed out, she carefully pulled it off and put the errant bean back.

It entertained her for a whole afternoon. When I'm living through the hottest summer in 30 years with a toddler and a newborn, that's a very good thing.

Lydia's Dinosaur Adventure, as retold by Daddy and Lydia

2011-07-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

As they drove by the Sinclair gas station this afternoon, Daddy asked Lydia what the green dinosaur statue out front was doing.

Lydia: He's going to go in the store and eat sacks. He might eat the whole building!

Daddy: And then what will he do?

Lydia: He's going to eat our house!

Daddy: No, I'll keep our house safe.

Lydia: No, he'll eat it and we'll have to pick a new house. And then I'll ride him back to where he belongs!

Overheard Last Night...

2011-06-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

Last night, Lydia insisted that I was the only one who could change her diaper right when I was in the middle of fixing dinner. I told her she could ask Daddy or she could wait.

At this point, EW ambled through the kitchen and wandered into the bathroom, asking loudly, "Is this where the diapers are?"

Lydia's head whipped around. Daddy obviously needed her help, so she trotted off down the hallway. "No, Daddy. They're in my room."

"Where's your room?" EW wandered into the living room. "Is it in here?"

"No, Daddy. This way." I heard the thump-thump of little feet on tile as she raced to her room.

"Ooooh!" EW replied as he followed her down the hall. "Now, where are those diapers? Are they in here?"

"No!"

"What about in here?"

"Daddy, they're right here!"

"I see. Does it go on my head?"

"No, Daddy. On ME!"

"Where? On your foot?"

"No, Daddy. On my bottom!"

A few minutes later, the happy pair emerged from the bedroom. Lydia wandered off to play.

I grinned at my husband. "Good job, Honey."

He shrugged. "People just like to feel in control sometimes."

Father's Day

2011-06-21T18:33:00.000-07:00

Two years ago, Daddy wasn't here on Father's Day. He was in Iraq, yet one of my fondest memories of the two of them happened that year.

Lydia had just learned who Daddy was during his R&R the month before. She'd spent much of the two weeks not sure about this strange man with the familiar voice. Finally, during the last few days of his visit, she began letting him hold her. To keep this new knowledge fresh in her mind, I put photos of Lydia and Daddy in some photo key chains for her to play with.

The week before Father's Day that year, we went to story time at the library. The librarian announced that she was going to read books about daddies and to my surprise, my just-turned-one-year-old reached into her toy purse and pulled out...one of her daddy pictures. My eyes grew wet, and that moment is one I recall often.

This year, Lydia spent Saturday getting ready for Father's Day. I gave her a craft foam picture frame, a package of foam heart stickers, a card, and a gift bag. She was quiet for hours. Sunday after breakfast, she proudly presented her creations to Daddy. Underneath the pink flower tissue paper she'd selected just for him, he pulled out the heart-decorated frame. "It's a picture of ME, Daddy!"

It's a joy to me to see how much the man I love loves our daughters and to see how much Lydia has grown to love him too. And now I get to see a new love grow between him and our newest daughter, Penelope.

My Three-Year-Old

2011-06-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

Some things I'd like to remember about Lydia at three:

She talks really well for her age, using words like "actually," "because," and "though." Others can usually understand what she's saying unless she talks too softly or they don't understand the context of her story.

She has a simple concept of time. Anything that happened before today is "yesterday" even if it was months ago. "This week" and "this year" all mean "now." She often talks about "next time" and "another day."

Lydia loves crafts. She often draws at her easel and enjoys gluing and painting. She learned how to use scissors in February and leaves paper shreds all over the house.

She loves to play with water in the bathtub or outside with the hose.

She recognizes a few letters such as L, A, and B.

Lydia quit sliding at the park about a year ago. I think she doesn't like the loss of control over her body. She doesn't swing as much as she used to, but now she really likes to climb or dig in the sand.

She learned how to jump with both feet off the ground a couple months ago.

She prefers to walk rather than ride in the cart at the grocery store.

She isn't attached to just one toy anymore. She has several that rotate through as the current favorite: My Little Ponies, some stuffed ducks, chipmunks, sticks dressed up in baby clothes, and blankets wadded up into balls that she calls "crabs."

She usually designates toys to be the mama, daddy, baby, sister, friend, grandma, and/or aunt. Or we pretend that she and all of her family are different toys. Sometimes she is Lenny from the Wonderpets, Daddy is Tuck, and I am Ming-ming. Other days, she is Rainbow Dash, etc.

Her toys talk to each other and to her.

She doesn't usually nap anymore, but goes to bed at 6 pm.

I Have Two Babies

2011-06-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

"I'm a little baby!"

I've heard this often in the past few months. My almost-three-year-old has sobbed these words at three in the morning...for an hour...several nights in a row. She whines them when she wants help in the middle of the afternoon. She giggles them occasionally when she's playing.

Even before Penny was born, Lydia insisted that she was not going to be a big sister. I believe that Lydia should not be pushed to grow up just because my husband and I decided to have another child. I want to allow her the same time and space to mature that she would have had otherwise. So I helped Lydia explain to anyone asking about the coming baby that they would both be little sisters.

I also read in Siblings Without Rivalry not to forbid this, that it's part of how children learn to accept a new baby and their new place in the family. This makes sense to me.

Although I have my doubts when it's screamed at me in the middle of the night.

***

When Lydia first saw Penny an hour after she was born, her face lit up, and she said, "It's Penny!" Her enthusiasm hasn't abated. She loves to touch and hold and talk to her sister. She helps pick out outfits for her and brushes her hair. Today, she carefully washed Penny's legs during her bath.

During the first couple weeks, Lydia seemed to be adjusting really well. We played "Uterus" one afternoon, which consisted of her hiding under a blanket and popping out. I said things like, "Oh, Little Baby, I'm so happy to meet you!" I made sure to give my "little baby" lots of hugs and snuggles and play time. I tried not to always blame Penny when I couldn't do something for Lydia right away (another tip I learned from Siblings Without Rivalry.)

Despite these efforts, Lydia got more and more upset, peaking about a month after Penny's birth. At first, I felt incredibly guilty. Any moment that I wasn't taking care of Penny, I tried to spend with Lydia, but she seemed insatiable. I tried to remain matter of fact when she would ask for a two-arm hug and I could only give her one, but inside I felt like my heart was being torn in two. Although the middle-of-the-night screaming was exhausting, the next morning I would wonder what I had done to my child to traumatize her so.

Finally, I decided that thinking about how to fulfill Lydia's emotional needs was exhausting me. I realized that even good, planned life changes are hard, so I had to accept that Lydia would feel some turmoil. I focused instead on things that generally help toddlers have a better day--outside time, sensory play, getting out of the house.

But I grew tired of hearing a whiny voice say, "I can't put my shoes on because I'm a little baby."

"I pooped in my diaper because I'm a little baby."

"I can't pick up my blocks because I'm a little baby."

I told EW one afternoon that I felt like I didn't like her very much right now.

So I've been giving her the words to ask politely: "Would you help me put my shoes on please?" I haven't told her to stop the baby behavior, but I'm not indulging it quite as much now. I'm also reminding myself that people need to be loved the most when they deserve to be loved the least.

Although Lydia still wakes up at night sometimes, she hasn't screamed in a couple weeks. She still whines, but she also says "please" much more often than before. I learned that she likes it when I tell Penny about what Lydia is doing: "Look, Penny, your sister is painting. When you get bigger, you can learn how to paint too!" A few days ago, Lydia even declared she was a "big girl" for five whole minutes.

Slowly, we're both learning to love our new, bigger family.

Toy Troubles

2011-06-06T18:06:00.000-07:00

Lydia's pretend play is progressing. She used to narrate what her toys were doing. "Eleanor is sad, so Brittany is hugging her!"

In the last few months, her toys have started talking to each other, and it's gotten more interesting. (For future reference, she has two My Little Ponies named Ice Cream and Toe.)

When I was nine months pregnant, her ponies tended to have conversations such as:

Toe: "Mama, will you help me shake Ice Cream's hair?"
Mama Pony: "No, Mama's too tired."

Today in the bathtub, Lydia's ponies started talking to her, and they were giving her trouble. Lydia let out a perfect mom-like sigh and said, "Just a minute, Toe!"

Then she told me, "Toe is knocking all my (foam) letters off the wall, but I want them to stay up there."

I suggested she tell Toe to be wild on the other side of the bathtub. Some quiet discussion ensued. Finally, Lydia gave me an update, "Toe is knocking the letters down and then putting them back up."

I replied, "That sounds like a great compromise."

I can only hope that Lydia's toy-negotiating skills will transmit gracefully to future sibling troubles too.

Postpartum, Take 2

2011-05-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

During Penny's pregnancy, I dreaded the postpartum period more than I dreaded labor.

After Lydia was born, I tried to do everything right to avoid postpartum depression. By the time Lydia was six weeks old, I still felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. My midwife at the time didn't think it was postpartum depression, but whatever it was, I felt awful.

The rollercoaster eventually, slowly disappeared, but I didn't really feel myself again for months.

This time has been completely different. Penny is six weeks old today, and I haven't cried in...weeks. I had a few weepy evenings during the first week, but otherwise have felt emotionally like myself. Many things have been different this time, some under my control, and some not.

Nursing--Other than mild soreness and engorgment during the first week, we haven't had any nursing struggles. We also mastered nursing lying down on Day 2 this time, which has helped me get so much more sleep.

Sleep--Penny is a sleepier baby than Lydia, but also this time I've completely embraced cosleeping. I didn't feel comfortable sleeping next to Lydia last time, but this time we even bought a king-sized bed since I like cosleeping so much. I sleep so much better when I don't have to even sit up in bed if Penny wakes up.

Rest--Last time, I read these tips for preventing postpartum depression. While they contain a lot of good ideas, the suggestion to get out of the house every day should come with a caveat: after the first 2 weeks. With Lydia, I left the house way too soon.

After Penny was born, I did not leave the house for two weeks. I laid in bed for the first week and then gradually moved to sitting on the couch. How did I do this with a toddler to care for? I packed up a lot of her toys before the birth so they would seem new to her when I pulled them out of the closet. And then we camped out in my bedroom.

Ironically, I had the same amount of household help both times: my mom came often to help out in the first two weeks. I simply didn't understand last time the importance of lying down and staying home.

Placenta Encapsulation--The idea weirded me out at first, but I hired someone to dry and encapsulate my placenta. Humans are the only mammals who don't usually eat their placenta after giving birth. Many women find that taking placenta capsules helps them cry less, make more milk, and have more energy. I thought anything was worth a try.

Other Stresses--Last time, my husband was about to be deployed. We moved when Lydia was six weeks old. I know that stress made everything worse.

Perspective--After Lydia was born, I knew my life and body would never be the same again. I had no idea what the new normal would look like, so I felt compelled to find it as soon as possible. I felt horrified at my blobby belly. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to do anything besides change diapers and nurse the baby, let alone do a simple activity like grocery shopping.

So I pushed myself too much in the early weeks. I went out to eat four days after giving birth. I started walking at two weeks. I went shopping to find real (not maternity) clothes.

This time, I still didn't know what the new normal would look like with two children, but I had confidence that we would find it. So I stayed home. I didn't even look at my belly. I enjoyed relaxing in my pajamas with my girls.

And this time I feel normal again so much sooner.

Penelope Esther's Birth Story

2011-05-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Our first child, Lydia, was born with no medications or other interventions at OU Medical Center. We loved the midwives there. I didn’t like the drive to the hospital, the slow and snooty triage nurse, or the subsequent hospital stay. When I became pregnant with Penelope, my husband, EW, and I decided to have her at home.

As Penny’s due date approached, I realized I’d avoided thinking about the impending labor and birth. I didn’t understand why since Lydia’s birth had been smooth. A friend loaned me her copy of Birthing from Within, and as I read, I realized I did actually have some negative feelings from Lydia’s birth that I never acknowledged. The book prompted me to think about those and talk with EW and my doula Heather about them.

I had to let go of the resentment I felt towards the triage nurse from last time and realize that no one would treat me that way this time. I talked with both EW and Heather about how I didn’t want to expect him to coach me this time. I wanted him to be my emotional support, but for Heather to think of everything else.

More than anything, I finally embraced the altered mental state that labor often brings. After Lydia’s birth, I felt like I should have been more aware of my surroundings, that everything shouldn’t have seemed like such a blur. I felt embarrassed by how loud I’d been while pushing her out. Birthing from Within and my conversations with EW and Heather helped me to realize that those things are normal, that they are part of the way God made a woman’s body to cope with the intensity of labor.

Birthing from Within also gave me ways for coping with pain that resonated more with me than what I’d learned in Bradley classes. And I talked with my midwives about some of the little things that I wanted to be different this time—I wanted to see when the cord was cut, I wanted to stay out of bed during labor, I wanted a blanket immediately after the birth so I could hold my slippery baby. Finally, I began to look forward to Penny’s birth.

The week before her due date, I tried to soak up my last few days with only Lydia. We went to the zoo, the medieval fair, shopping, and the park. But then my due date came and went and I grew impatient. Many episodes of prodromal labor made the waiting even harder because I was constantly wondering if these contractions were the real thing. As each day passed, I grew more anxious and tired of being pregnant. Thursday, I decided to quit moping and went to help out a friend who’d recently had a baby.

Early the next morning, strong contractions, stronger than any I’d had in the past weeks, woke me up. I still hesitated to think Penny was really on her way. The contractions continued throughout the day, getting stronger but never much closer together. They even stopped for a couple hours when Lydia and I ran an errand. I thought about going for a walk to try to speed things along, but the day was cold and windy. Late that afternoon, when I began to struggle being patient with Lydia during contractions, I finally called EW home from work.

As soon as he walked in the door, he began setting up, clearing out the dining room to make room for the birth pool. I called my midwife, my doula, and my mom to tell them that I would probably need them later that evening. We ate dinner and got Lydia to bed just before my mom and sister arrived. Then I called Heather and asked her to come. One of my midwives, Yvonne, called and decided to send her assistant, Nikki, over to see how I was doing.

Nikki found that I was 4 cm dilated and completely effaced, and Yvonne decided to come too. They suggested squatting during contractions to help bring Penny down, and I found that this position helped me to relax with the pressure of the contractions instead of resisting. As the hard work ahead of me that night began to set in, I cried a little. My mom thought at first that I was afraid of being home instead of the hospital, but that thought never entered my mind.

I spent some time with just EW and Heather and then I decided I needed something to do. Heather and I eventually decided to go to Target to walk. We power walked in the back of the store and picked up some snacks. Whenever I had a contraction, I squatted and pretended I was looking at something on the bottom shelves.

But when we went back home, the contractions went to 10 minutes apart. Yvonne suggested doing another vaginal exam. She was very respectful of my request to do as few as possible, but I agreed that we needed to know what was happening. Unfortunately, I still hadn’t dilated any more. Since it was almost 11:00 pm, Yvonne said I should try to get some rest, that I probably needed a little sleep and time with the house to myself. Yvonne, Nikki, my mom and sister all left. EW went to bed and, after eating a snack, Heather and I settled down on the couches in the living room.

I told Heather I was afraid I was going to get too tired to make it to the end of this labor. (I should have quit comparing this labor to Lydia’s, but I kept thinking about how at this time of night, I’d been 6 cm last time and still hadn’t given birth until 6 am.) Heather gently told me that we were going to try to get some rest. Of course, as soon as I lay down, the contractions intensified. They were about 5-10 minutes apart, and I tried to doze in between but I couldn’t really sleep.

Around midnight, Lydia woke up crying. I knew if I sent EW in to help her, she would most likely get more upset and be up for several hours, so I determined to go help her myself. It was hard to sit through such strong contractions, but I rocked her back to sleep and laid her in her bed. I stayed on my hands and knees for a few minutes to settle her. But then I couldn’t stand up because even between contractions it hurt to change positions. I ended up crawling out of her room and using the doorway to help myself stand.

By the time I returned to the living room, it was 1 am. Heather timed some contractions (5 mn apart now) while I kneeled in front of the couch, leaning on it for support. During contractions, Heather pushed on my lower back. I still feared I wouldn’t be able to make it to the end, so I asked Heather to pray with me. I had a couple contractions on top of each other. I started to feel a little queasy and asked Heather to get a bowl from the kitchen just in case, but I never needed it.

Heather and I started to talk about calling the midwife back. Heather’s presence at this point was so comforting to me. It was wonderful to have someone with her experience to help me decide when to call again. We waited through a few more contractions to make sure they weren’t going to space out, and then Heather called at about 1:40 am.

She filled the birth pool the rest of the way and woke up EW. He sat on the loveseat in front of me, and I squeezed his hands during contractions as I squatted. In between, I rested on the floor. I didn’t like moving into position with each contraction, but the squatting was working, so I stayed with this for a while. My water broke (although we found out later it was only a partial break. They would completely break later just before pushing.) Heather cleaned up the small spot while I took a bathroom break. By now, it was very difficult to move between contractions, and I was thankful when Heather came to check on me. She helped EW to know how to help me off the toilet.

It was now just after 2 am when I returned to my spot by the loveseat. Everyone began to arrive again. The lights stayed off, the room remained silent, and I was barely aware when everyone quietly snuck in the door. Nikki quietly checked the baby’s heartbeat several times.

Although I’d read many techniques from Bradley classes and Birthing from Within such as visualization to handle the pain, I didn’t use many of those. I breathed heavily, and I moaned loudly. Occasionally, I checked my shoulders and my mouth to make sure I was keeping them loose. I thought about asking someone to read scriptures to me from my labor journal (my mom did this during Lydia’s labor), but I felt like this time I preferred just being with my own thoughts, remembering favorite scriptures or talking to Penny. Sometimes I whispered, “I can do this. I can do this.”

Heather kept handing me my water bottle to keep me hydrated and at 2:45 am asked if squatting was still working for me. I thought, “Oh, yeah. I have a birth pool!” So Heather, EW and I moved to the dining room. EW grabbed a chair so he could sit beside the pool (and I could continue squeezing his hands), and I leaned on the side of the pool in front of him. My contractions by now were 2-3 minutes apart and 1-2 minutes long. The water didn’t seem to lessen the pain very much for me, but it did make adjusting my position easier.

After a while, Heather suggested I should think about a bathroom break. I agreed to go after the next contraction. But then my moaning during this one turned to The Pushing Sound. It was just after 3:00 am.

Yvonne and Nikki quietly rushed to the side of the pool. Now I was unsure whether or not I needed to pee. Yvonne reassured me that I could go in the water if I really needed to, which helped me to just push as the next contraction came without worrying about whether or not I needed to pee. Even though one sign of transition is the feeling that you just can’t do it anymore, the closest I felt to that this time was when I said to EW, “Did I really do this before?”

Yvonne and Nikki checked Penny’s heartbeat between contractions, but I was barely aware of it. As I began to feel the pain of crowning, my voice went to a higher pitch. Yvonne reminded me to keep my voice low-pitched. Her calm voice really helped keep me focused during pushing. I groaned with contractions and said things like, “Come on, Penny,” and “I’m almost done.”

The hardest part was when Yvonne asked me to breathe through a contraction so that I could stretch around Penny’s head. I kept saying, “Oh, it hurts,” and every time Yvonne said, “I know.” But when she said the head would probably be out with the next contraction, I told EW, “We’re going to see our baby!” He squeezed my hands, and said, “I know.” It was a very special moment between us.

Unlike Lydia, who slithered completely out once her head was born, Penny took more effort. I had to breathe through another contraction as her shoulders turned and then push again. It turned out she had one hand up by her head.

At 3:29 am, Yvonne passed her to me between my legs under the water. I pulled her up to my chest, someone handed me a towel, and I leaned back against the tub with Penny in my arms. She was so quiet. Someone put a hat on her and Yvonne rubbed her and made sure she was breathing, but I barely noticed. I was just taking in my new little girl. (I did have to peek under the towel to make sure she really was a girl. During the past week, I kept imagining how I would break the news to Lydia if Penny turned out to be a little boy.)

The cord stopped pulsing very quickly, and I watched EW cut it. I actually put in my birth plan that I wanted to cut the cord, but it would have been awkward to do with Penny in my arms. What I really wanted was to see and remember the cord being cut (since I don’t have this memory from Lydia’s birth).

Reclined as I was, I couldn’t push very well to deliver the placenta. EW took off his shirt and held Penny to his chest to keep her warm so I could squat instead. When the placenta was out, I was wrapped into a bath robe and helped into bed. Penny nursed for a long time. Someone brought me a smoothie and a sandwich.

About an hour after the birth, Lydia woke up crying. EW and my mom helped her calm down and then brought her to see me. As soon as she saw the baby in my arms, Lydia’s whole face lit up. “It’s Penny! She’s a burrito!” She climbed up on the bed near us to see her baby sister.

When Penny was done nursing, Yvonne examined me and Nikki examined Penny on the other side of the bed while EW and Lydia watched. I had a couple small tears, but nothing that needed stitches. Penny was 8’ 6” and was 20 1/4” long. Yvonne helped me shower and dress, and then I snuggled back into bed with my newest little girl while everyone else put the house back in order.

Nikki went over how to check my and the baby’s vitals for the next few days before she left. Besides being in my own bed, one of the best parts about being at home was doing our own check-ups when we were awake. In the hospital, every time I drifted off to sleep someone was knocking on the door.

I felt nothing but happiness for the next several days. Everything that I had wanted to be different this time was, and I can truly say that I have no regrets or negative feelings.

A Few Things I've Learned From My Toddler...

2011-04-13T19:30:00.000-07:00

The only essential piece of clothing is Really Cool Shoes. Painting? All you need is a pair of purple slippers with jewels on the toes.

What counts as a Really Cool Shoe? Anything pink. Bows help. So do sparkles. Even better if they actually belong to Mama.

In fact, Really Cool Shoes are a great way to pick new friends. Not sure who to talk to at the library? Just pick the little girl wearing hot pink Mary Janes with bows on them.

The only time Really Cool Shoes are completely unnecessary? When playing outside on the wooden--i.e. full-of-splinters--deck.

Just when we have the perfect routine...

2011-03-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

After weeks of bedtime getting later and later, after weeks of waking up at 4:30 in the morning, we helped Lydia drop her nap in favor of quiet time.

It's been perfect. She sleeps from 7 in the evening until 6 or 6:30 in the morning. We're all feeling really well rested.

This morning, I turned my calendar to March and realized Daylight Savings Time starts in two weeks.

And the chaos will start all over. Sigh.

Dear Penny...

2011-02-09T19:15:00.000-08:00

According to my photos, my belly has already stretched farther for you than for your sister. She fit in there at almost eight pounds and you're barely three yet. I really think you have enough room without shoving your bottom up as far as you can.

I especially don't think you need to push off my hip bones for extra leverage.

Your sore, but loving,

Mama

Toddler Secrets

2011-02-07T19:40:00.000-08:00

Lydia ate her first sunbutter and jelly sandwich today.

We don't usually keep bread in the house since gluten free bread isn't cheap and since we cut out eggs, I haven't had much luck making it myself. But Daddy decided to start taking sandwiches to work for lunch. Since he got some "Daddy bread," I bought some "girl bread" for Lydia.

The "girl bread" was quite a hit. What she didn't finish at lunch, Lydia happily ate for her afternoon snack. Then she asked for more.

I don't put a lot of limits on what she can or can't eat, but I didn't want her to devour half the loaf in an afternoon. Which she has before. (Gluten free loaves tend to small as well as pricey).

So I told her she could have more for lunch tomorrow and suggested some other snacks. She rejected my ideas, shoved her plate away, and ran off.

A little while later, we were reading and snuggling together, and I told her I was going bye-bye that evening and she was going to have special time with Daddy. We talked about how she could show Daddy the baby dolls she'd been playing with all afternoon. She said she was going to play dress-up with Daddy and put a crown on his head to make him Daddy King.

"And I'm going to have some 'girl bread,'" she said.

Her little plan made me smile, but I reiterated that she would have to wait until tomorrow. (And I later informed Daddy of her secret plans.)

She remained undeterred. Again before I left, she insisted, "I'm going to have some 'girl bread.'"

According to Daddy, she never tried to get any while I was gone. But I'm still wondering how long before she realizes these plans work better when she doesn't tell Mama first.

Whenever I'm tempted to buy new toys lately...

2011-02-05T18:10:00.000-08:00

I remind myself

Lydia can entertain herself for an afternoon with 3 coffee stirrers, some towels, and a cup of water. The coffee stirrers were bunnies swimming at the Y.
Our house is overrun with pipe cleaner animals, princesses, and ballerina families. We even have a ballerina midwife somewhere.
Her blankets can, and often do, double as princesses, bunnies, dresses, and occasionally capes.
A Boppy pillow piled with receiving blankets can also be a duck car.

Sisters

2011-02-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

Since my last post about our expanding family, Lydia's anticipation of her coming little sister has grown.

When I dug into one of the baby boxes to find my birth ball, Lydia discovered all the hiding baby gear. That afternoon was full of excitement.

A sippy cup in each hand, Lydia found me in the bathroom. "I know she drinks," Lydia said.

I explained how at first Penny will only nurse, and then when she gets bigger she can learn how to drink water or nursing juice, as Lydia calls breast milk, from a cup.

"I'm going to help her!" Lydia replied.

And that's become the theme of everything related to Penny. Lydia says she is going to put Penny in her Moses basket to sleep, in her gym to play, and in her car seat when we go bye-bye.

Since she's developing so many expectations of life with Penny, we've found the following books helpful to read with her:

Baby on the Way by Dr. Sears talks about pregnancy and just a little about birth.

What Baby Needs by Dr. Sears shows life with a new baby without introducing the idea of sibling rivalry. It's also helping Lydia to understand that she can help with Penny, but can't pick up the new baby all by herself.

We're Having a Homebirth!! by Kelly Mochel has more details about development in the womb and birth. Lydia knows the basic terminology now like placenta, umbilical cord, and uterus. She knows the midwives will "help Mama push penny out."

The three have worked really well together since Mochel's book supplies more details about birth than the two Sears books do. Lydia has asked for each book to be read many times, and the information has fed her imagination, especially concerning her gestating duck that I mentioned in my previous Penny post. Here is one of our recent breakfast conversations:

Me: Penny is really kicking! She must like this pancake.

Lydia: I have a duck inside. And a goose. And a brother.

Me: Wow!

Lydia: The duck is getting some pancake through her umbilical cord. But the goose doesn't have one, so they have to share.

One of our most special moments lately happened at Target. Lydia is very attached to several small fleece blankets, called her nursing blankets. She's been talking for a while about Penny needing a nursing blanket, so at our last trip to Target, I helped her pick one out for Penny.

I don't know if Penny will form the same attachment, but Lydia thinks that every child needs a nursing blanket, so it was very important to her that Penny have one too. And this gives us something to tell anyone who asks Lydia if she's going to give Penny her own blankets.

Lydia examined a plain pink blanket, a purple blanket with a teddy bear attached, and a pink blanket with embroidery. All fleece, of course.

She finally settled on the plain pink blanket. She noted that it has holes (from the hem) at each corner, just like her does. (She likes to feel these holes as she falls asleep.)

In addition to all the excitement, she's had a few sad moments too. I'm trying not to change too much of Lydia's room around, but putting all the baby stuff in her closet seemed to overwhelm her after a while.

I've noticed her begin to act out-of-sorts before when we rearrange things, so I just gathered her into my lap. We talked about how it feels funny when we put stuff in new places. We snuggled. And we read more about babies.

More Toddler Angst

2011-02-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

When Lydia gets grumpy lately, she usually asks for the impossible. Some of the demands I've heard recently:

"I want my tears back in my eyes!"
(while taking her socks off) "No! I want my toes off!"
(while leaving the grandparents' house) "No, we're going to walk home."

Or she invents problems:

(while swiping just-fastened barrettes out of her hair) "They're falling out!"
(while ripping paper in two) "It's just breaking!"

Like I said before, it must be hard to be 2 1/2.

More Letters

2011-02-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

Since my last post about letters, Lydia's been asking many more questions. She likes to find "P" for Penny (the new baby's name) and is fascinated with saying, "F says fffffff!"

Her scribbles are more defined now--in neat little lines. She's been making Valentine cards and writing inside them. Last night, she wrote several lines at her easel. Pointing at each line, she told EW, "This says 'carrots.' This says 'how much I love you.' This says 'Go in the livingroom.'"

When we go to the library, she has to "read" all the signs to me. Yesterday, we had to hang out in a parking lot for a little while as I picked up a food co-op order. I set her up in the van with her blanket, some crackers, and a book. A little later, when I peeked in the window to check on her, I asked, "Are you looking at your book?"

"No," she corrected me, "I'm reading it."

This Morning I Woke Up To...

2011-01-25T05:54:00.000-08:00

...the light flipping on in Lydia's room across the hall.

Usually, I wake up to the sound of her little voice at the foot of my bed: "Mama will you nurse me?" or "Mama, I need a fresh Pull-up."

And always at 5:30 in the morning.

Today, I walked across the hall to see why she was turning the light on. She was in her closet, Pull-up in hand. When I offered to help her, she informed me she could do it all by herself.

So I left to use the bathroom myself, and when I came back, she was changed. She even threw the wet Pull-up in her laundry hamper. Not quite the right place, but she's getting the idea.

Now if she could just learn to get herself breakfast.

Letters

2010-12-29T19:44:00.000-08:00

The first letter Lydia learned was "A" because Alvin the Chipmunk has an "A" on his shirt. (For those who don't know, Lydia fell in love with two chipmunk Happy Meal toys last year, and for her birthday, we eBayed the rest of them for her.)

After doing some reading about reasons to delay any formal reading lessons, I've taken a very laid back approach to letters with her. We have letter blocks and foam bathtub letters. Sometimes we talk about what words are. Mostly we just read books together a lot.

At some point though, Lydia started asking me "What's Brittany's letter? What's Simon's letter?" So she's learned a few more letters this way.

While playing with her bathtub letters, she showed me that we have two "T"s. One of them is actually an "I", but I can see how they look similar to her.

I tell her what sounds they make and emphasize the sound at the beginning of the word, but I don't think that's really connected for her yet.

The most confusion entered in, however, when we started talking about "B."
Lydia: Where's Brittany's letter?
Me (pointing): Here. B for Brittany. B is also the letter for "baby" and "boy."
Lydia: No, Brittany is a GIRL chipmunk.

Another time I tried to point out that "B" is the letter for "blue." But each foam letter is a different color, and "B" is red. Lydia quickly corrected me, "No, Simon's letter is blue."

I think it's a good thing I'm we're not in a hurry.

Impulse Control

2010-12-15T11:57:00.000-08:00

Lydia doesn't have much, and what she does have wavers a lot. That's completely normal for her age, and it's frustrating or funny (depending on my patience level).

I took Lydia to the park today since we had a nice 60 degree high just before another cold front comes through. This park has a long ditch along one side crossed by several little bridges, and as I pushed Lydia in the stroller she pointed at it, "Don't fall in the ditch!"

"We won't fall," I told her. "Mama's keeping you safe."

We enjoyed a nice walk and some time running climbing, but then nap time was fast approaching. After bidding the playground a tearful goodbye, Lydia happily ran along side me as I pushed the stroller back to the car...and the ditch.

"Don't fall in the ditch!" she said again.

"Yeah, that's why we stay by the sidewalk," I told her.

Then she said, "No!" and started running straight toward the ditch.

Holding back a laugh, I grabbed her hand and guided her over the bridge. "I know you want to run straight to the car, "I said, "but we have to go over the bridge so we don't fall in the ditch."

Today I found it funny. I really wondered what was going through her head at the time. Was her understanding of ditch-crossing protocol overruled by her desire to do it her own way? Did she suddenly wonder what it would be like to fall in the ditch? Did she forget it was there and just decide she needed to get to the van right then?

When I find her lack of self-control frustrating, I try to remember that I don't have perfect self-control either. I think about the reason I don't keep large amounts of chocolate in the house. Those nights I've read a good novel into the wee hours of the morning. Those times in college I stayed up all night writing a paper due the next day.

I've got a pretty good head start on Lydia, and I don't have it mastered yet. She really doesn't need my impatience. She just needs a teacher, a little more time, and maybe someone to keep from running into the ditch.

It Must Be Hard To Be 2 1/2

2010-12-10T08:16:00.000-08:00

Lydia has a special blankie called her "nursing blanket." Actually, she has three...just in case. Last night, she told me one blanket was a squirrel and the other two were bunnies.

Okay, cool.

Then she continued to lie on the floor and moan that "we don't have any blankies."

Her moaning grew rather irritating, but at the same time, the absurdity of it all gave me a strong urge to laugh. Instead, I told her, "That must be frustrating" and finished making the corn bread.

I don't remember how it felt to be 2 1/2, but I vividly remember being 13. I felt like I was permanently PMSing (with lots of giggle fits thrown in). I've heard other moms make this comparison as well: sometimes Lydia's behavior lately really reminds me of a middle schooler.

From what I've read, toddlers and preschoolers often go through a period of disequilibrium at the half year mark. They often seem very out-of-sorts and less able to control themselves than earlier in the year. But it's all part of the huge amount of growing they're doing.

I once read that it's like building a block tower. But instead of being able to just add the new block of development to the top, the whole tower has to be disassembled and built again, this time a little taller than the last.

I've noticed lately that Lydia seems to need more help controlling herself. She needs more help distracting herself from things I ask her not to do. Before, I could often tell her once, and she'd move on. Now she gets more wild and determined with each effort to swipe the folded laundry on the floor.

Or throw her cereal and watch it spatter on the tile.

Or unplug my computer.

I'm learning to move her to another room away from the current temptation. Sometimes I put a jacket on her and tell her to go be wild outside. Other times she seems to really need some extra snuggles.

And there are times when she just seems to want to lie on the floor and moan. I'm trying to learn that's okay too.

We're Entering the World of "Why"

2010-12-03T16:20:00.000-08:00

Until recently, if we asked Lydia a "why" question, she looked at us like we were speaking another language. All of her own questions tended to be "what" and "where."

But two days ago, Lydia was telling Daddy about a Wonder Pets episode she watched, where the Pets rescued a baby penguin from an iceberg. "I thought penguins lived on icebergs," Daddy said. "Why did he need to be rescued?"

Lydia's face was serious as she considered this question. After a long pause, she said, "He couldn't swim."

(Apparently baby penguins can't swim, and this one was separated from his parents.) Wow, I thought, she's never answered a "why" question before.

Today, she asked one of her own. We pulled up at a restaurant for lunch, and she saw a fire escape outside. "Daddy, why does the restaurant have a ladder?"

It's fascinating to me to see her mind make this leap into more complex thoughts. I can't wait to hear her next "Why?"

Life with Lydia...Plus One

2010-12-02T18:33:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why it's been so long since my last post. I'm feeling the itch to blog again now, but it's time for a change.

In April, a new baby girl, Penelope Esther, is going to join our family. Since "Life with Lydia" no longer seems to fit, I've moved all the old posts here.

When I first told Lydia there was a baby inside me, she replied, "And there's a duck inside of me!"

I've shown her some Youtube videos of babies developing in the womb. When we go to the health food store, I point out some the models of babies at 20 weeks and up and show her which one is Baby Penny's size. We talk about how Baby Penny will grow bigger and bigger and then come out to nurse with Mama. She says, "Penny will nurse and then I'll have a turn."

We look at Lydia's baby book a lot and talk about how she used to be little and couldn't walk or talk. She likes the pictures of when she was swaddled, so sometimes I get a big blanket and swaddle Lydia up into a "baby burrito." We look at the basket that Baby Penny will sleep in. She tells me, "When Penny comes out, I'm going to wrap her in a blanket and put her to sleep."

Yesterday, Lydia found a little hairbrush and told me, "This is going to be Penny's brush. When she comes out, I'm going to brush her hair."

Although I wouldn't say Lydia is excited, I do think by now she understands the basic idea. I don't think she really gets how a new baby is going to affect her life.

But then, I don't think I've fully grasped myself how our lives are about to change either.

My Two Year Old

2010-06-12T20:11:00.000-07:00

My little girl turned two this week. If it's possible for two words to sum up one person, right now for Lydia those words would be Talking and Chipmunks.

Our lives changed forever with a stop at McDonald's last Christmas. The current Happy Meal toy were plastic chipmunks (from Alvin and the Chipmunks), and now everything revolves around the two she got: Simon and Brittney. The swings at the park are the Simon swing and the Brittney swing. Her blue diaper is the Simon diaper and the pink one is the Brittney diaper. She holds one in each hand everywhere we go.

She talks almost nonstop. Her pronunciation is very distinct although she still struggles with some difficult sounds. She uses complete sentences and tells stories.

When we read, Lydia sometimes points at words on the page and asks, "What's the word say?" Yesterday, she picked up an advertisement that came with her new My Little Pony and pretended to read it.

In the last month or so, Lydia started singing with words. She even makes up her own songs, such as "Mama's gonna nurse you" and "Alvin, Alvin, the Alvin song." She can also sing lines from songs she knows and can sing "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" complete with hand motions.

She can count to somewhere between 10 and 20 depending on her mood although this morning I saw her looking at her fingers and saying, "One, forty, eleven..."

She loves to swing but has quit sliding. She likes to throw her chipmunks down the slide.

We told her when someone asks "How old are you?" she can say, "I'm two." So then we tried asking her the question. Lydia said, "I'm ten."

Yours, Mine, and Ours

2010-05-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

Lydia is on the verge of a language breakthrough.

For a long time, she's had the first and second person reversed. So I hear a lot of "pick you up" and "nurse you."

Her most common way of asking for something is to ask the question I should ask. "Do you want more blueberries?" really means "I want more blueberries."

She'll watch me get dressed and say, "My shirt is green."

But now she's figuring out that "I" can mean "Lydia." In the last couple days, very occasionally, I've heard her say things like, "I'm just playing with bunnies."

Last night, as is typical lately, she was flopping all over her bed. She kept asking to nurse, then wanting to be in her bed. I was getting very frustrated.

"I want to nurse," Lydia said.

I sighed and pulled her out of her bed.

She fingered her special blanket. "I nurse with I blanket."

My heart softened a little bit as I realized how busy her mind was. "You can say 'my blanket.' That means 'Lydia's blanket.'"

She climbed back into bed without comment and continue tumbling. Then a few minutes later, I heard, " I want to nurse with my mama."

No wonder she can't settle down, I thought. She's busy learning her pronouns.

I love watching her learn. I just wish we could save English class for morning.

And gymnastics. That would be better in the morning too.

Daddy's Day (according to Lydia)

2010-05-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

As she falls asleep, Lydia often talks to herself about all sorts of random things. Last night, she offered this summary of Daddy's day.

Daddy get a shirt on.
He goed bye-bye.
He camed back.

I don't know why the shirt is so important, but she insists he put one on every morning when she wakes up.

At the gas station today...

2010-05-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

...Lydia informed me that her chipmunk, Brittany, has "grass in her car too."

Mama Always Comes Back

2010-05-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

Last week I said on Facebook that I know it's time come home when I get a call from Lydia (via Daddy) and all I hear is "Sniff...sniff...sniff..."

I went to my friend Sarah's house last Wednesday night and left Lydia with EW. Unfortunately, she hadn't fallen asleep by the time I left, and she never falls asleep with EW. Feeling uncertain but knowing I would only be 15 minutes away, I left her in Daddy's capable hands.

At ten o'clock I got the tearful phone call and rushed home to soothe my tired toddler. "Mama's coming home to nurse you in just a few minutes," I told her on the phone.

Fast forward a week later. Over her highchair tray, face smeared with cereal, Lydia says, "What did Mama do at Sarah's house?"

We hadn't mentioned Sarah in days. I certainly hadn't mentioned her this morning. Amazed Lydia was still thinking about this, I said, "Mama talks to Sarah about books and writing."

Lydia: "Then Mama comes home to nurse you!"

Me: "Yes, I did."

Lydia: "Sometimes Mama goes bye-bye, but she always comes back to you."

Me: "Yes, Mama always comes back to you."

Our conversation reinforced for me how important it is to talk to babies, to give them the chance to understand what's happening to them.

Since I first started leaving Lydia for short periods when she was about seven months old, I've repeated this to her every time I've left and every time I've returned.

This simple sentence has obviously made an impression on Lydia. She repeated it today several times as she played with her cereal:

"Sometimes Mama goes bye-bye, but she always comes back to you."

Words That Make Lydia Laugh

2010-04-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

The following words, said very forcefully, dissolve Lydia into a fit of giggles:

Joke
Hemp (as in hemp milk)
Comf (as in comfortable)

It's even funnier if you say this while getting her toes with a stuffed animal.

What's in a name?

2010-04-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

I never realized how confusing names are until I had to help a one-year-old understand them.

How more than one person can have the same name. (Enter the five Grandmas and the two Uncle Davids.)
How one person can have multiple names (Enter Mama aka Mom, Mommy, Honey, Elizabeth, and Sister.)
How Mama doesn't know the name of every person, animal, and doll on sight.

As if all that isn't difficult enough, try asking Lydia to give something a name. She looks at you as though you just asked her to count in French. I realized that she thinks everything automatically has a name, just like she thinks I automatically know them.

EW suggested to her to name a toy based on its color, "How about Brownie?", so now she names everything based on color when I tell her it doesn't have a name yet.

The other day, she started calling one of her doll's Sheila, but that only lasted a day. Now the doll is Pink again.

We haven't even made it to last names, let alone middle names. Watching Lydia process all this has made me realize that some phases, such as calling parents by their first names, may have much more behind them than first meets the eye.

Lydia's take on...

2010-04-07T15:33:00.000-07:00

Bacon: "It's such a yummy time."

My Precious Moments figurine: "She has a roast beef Bible."

Barbie: "She has breastses for nursing on!"

Fashionista

2010-03-31T14:19:00.000-07:00

Lydia is currently wearing three shirts, including half a princess outfit and a swimsuit cover...and no pants.

The Incredible, Edible (Dragon) Egg

2010-03-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

I have dreamed for years of taking my children to Norman's Medieval Fair. It's one of those events that I go to most years, and it's fun. But I'm honestly not all that interested in chain mail bikinis or faux fur hats.

Fortunately, Lydia's not either.

Given her current obsession with princesses and Tinkerbell, however, I thought she would enjoy the afternoon. I told her there would be princesses. I planned to buy her a crown or a pair of fairy wings.

The crowd overwhelmed her at first. She hung out in her stroller, eating crackers and not saying much.

Suddenly, she squirmed out of her stroller. "What's that?" she asked, pointing at a glass case full of fairy figurines. As we admired the pretty display, I renewed my zeal to find her a set of wings.

We watched camels and elephants giving rides. She shook the hand of a mime dressed in blue. I pointed out anyone I saw dressed remotely like a princess. We even found a little crown with streamers.

But none of this compared to the Green Lady.

Her face and arms painted green, a crown of leaves in her hair, she towered over the crowd on stilts hidden under tree-trunk like fabric. She waved and smiled and posed for pictures...and accepted cash tucked into a little bird house at her side.

I helped Lydia drop a coin in the box, and we discovered a little stuffed chipmunk inside. We continued on our way, but Lydia kept asking to see the Green Lady again, so we returned with another offering for the chipmunk.

Next, we discovered the dragons.

This booth had a large stuffed dragon surrounded by large dragon eggs. Inside the eggs were small baby dragons. We lingered for a bit and then moved on, still looking for fairy wings.

We finally found a booth that had the wings EW and I had in mind, but Lydia was still asking for the dragons.

EW and I exchanged glances. Then we decided it should be up to her. "Lydia," I asked her, "do you want to take home a dragon egg or fairy wings?"

She glanced at the delicate wings fluttering beside us. "See the dragons one more time!"

I wasn't sure she'd understood the choice, but she didn't seem to care for the wings, so off we went to find the dragons again.

When we found the booth, I explained to her that little dragons were inside the eggs. She selected a speckled pink egg, and I helped her pull away the top of the shell to reveal the dragon inside.

Then she wanted to take the dragon on display, and a blue egg, and fairy wings. "You said you wanted to take the pink dragon home," I reminded her, and we moved on quickly.

I think she was happy with her choice though.

She spent the rest of the afternoon holding the egg with the tiny dragon's head peeking out the hole and, of course, chattering. "Do you have a dragon?" she kept asking. (She uses "you" to mean "I/me.")

"Do you want to give your dragon a name?" I asked her.

"Pink," she replied, then, "She's in the egg!"

"She is in the egg," I said.

"She's coming out," Lydia said, then, "Is your dragon hungry?"

"She's hungry?" I asked. "What's she going to eat?"

Lydia replied with certainty, "She's eating the egg."

The moon needs our help.

2010-03-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, Lydia looked out the window and saw the moon. It's about halfway through it's cycle right now, a nice semi-circle shape.

"It's broke!" Lydia said. "Fix the moon. Needs tape."

Bite This!

2010-03-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

Lydia has been a (nursing) biter off and on since before she had teeth.

I've always told her "no biting" and unlatched her. A few times I've set her down and left the room. Once I inadvertantly yelled so loud she started crying and refused to nurse until bedtime.

Now that she's getting eyeteeth, the biting has started anew. I've learned to watch her towards the end of a nursing session and have my finger ready to unlatch her. I tell her, "No biting. That hurts Mama."

What's most infuriating this time around is not the pain. (She's actually learning to bite more softly.) It's that she grins, looks at me, and says, "Hurt Mama?"

I know she's just a toddler. I know the ability to say something doesn't equal the ability to always control herself. I know getting eyeteeth must hurt terribly and it's natural to want to bite.

But when we're talking about my breasts, the grinning really gets to me.

Finally, out of desperation, I dug out an old teething toy.

She never really used teething toys before, so I was skeptical. But I remembered a friend suggesting to another mom at a La Leche League meeting to stop the biting, hold up a teething toy, and say, "Bite this instead."

So I tried it. My script was a little longer since Lydia is a little older. I showed her the teething toy and said, "This is a teething toy. If you need to bite, say, 'Bite my teething toy' and I'll get it for you."

It worked!

The next time she tried to bite me, I told her again, "No biting Mama. You can bite your teething toy." As she chowed down on the cold plastic, I said, "Does that feel good? Bite that teething toy!"

Since then, she's only tried to bite me once. Several times, at the end of nursing or just out of the blue, she's grinned at me and said, "Bite my teething toy!"

Now that's a grin I can be happy about.

Just because she can talk doesn't mean I understand

2010-03-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

Lydia has a lot of words. I understand most of them. What I don't always understand is how she puts them together.

First, you must understand that when she's done eating, we always wet a cloth and wipe off Lydia's face. Consequently, she now thinks that all cloths must be wet and cold. A warm wet washcloth is very disturbing to her.

This includes not only cloths for cleaning her face, but also ones to wrap up her toy chipmunks. So there's my little girl, wrapping her chipmunk up in a cold wet washcloth and saying, "Keep her warm!"

Now, it gets still more mysterious. There is a certain way of wrapping a chipmunk up in a cloth so he can "learn in there." Lydia had quite a few meltdowns when I couldn't get it right.

Thankfully, now she can do it herself. The correct technique seems to involve some way of covering the chipmunk's head with the cold, wet cloth.

Lydia likes to do this when we're out as well.

You'll recognize me as the mother wetting a paper towel, squeezing it out, and wrapping it around a little pink chipmunk. I'll hand the package to my little girl, who will say, "Learning. She's learning in there."

Me: What's she learning?

Lydia: Learning birds. She's learning birds.

...

Another mystery activity takes place in the high chair.

Sometimes Lydia piles up all her food. It's a careful process with lots of patting and adjusting.

Then she says, "That's her life. That's her little life. Look at her little life."

Rule of Parenting

2010-03-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

The amount of time you stay up past your own bedtime is directly proportional to

the number of extra times the baby will wake up and/or
be unable to go back to sleep for at least an hour and/or
make so much noise in her restless sleep that she wakes you up every time you are about to drift off.

Dinner Time

2010-03-12T07:57:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite childhood memories is sitting at the dinner table with my family. We almost always ate together and often spent quite a while sitting at the table talking together after. I was in high school before I found out how rare family dinner time is in many homes.

After EW and I married, we made it a point to usually sit down to eat dinner together and talk about the day. Now Lydia adds a whole new dimension to dinner time!

We love her chatter throughout the meal. We enjoy watching her devour favorite foods and discover new ones. And we're rising to the challenge of helping her learn good eating habits.

When Lydia began showing interest in food, I was intrigued by a concept often called baby-led solids. Essentially, baby-led solids is the idea that if you wait until babies show signs of readiness, they don't need purees or even mashed food. They can feed themselves finger foods from the beginning. (I've blogged about how we got started here.)

What I liked about this approach is that Lydia was in complete control from the beginning of how much she eats.

No Mama coaxing her to take one more bite.

No pushing her to eat faster.

Just Lydia, eating what she wants, how much she wants, as fast...or slow...as she wants.

Now that she's a toddler, we try to still respect her in this way. Since she equates the highchair with eating, we don't make her join us at the table if she resists.

We do tell her what's on her tray. I often give her a bite. Sometimes we come up with creative names. (Dinosaur oranges and Brittany dahl have both appeared on our table.)

But for now we don't make her join us.

Many times she decides to come eat a few minutes later. Sometimes, usually if she had a late snack, she just plays nearby. Most of the time she's happy to sit down as soon as we do.

I know some parents choose not to give snacks before dinner, but I feel like right now her mood is so closely tied to her blood sugar, that I'd rather give her a healthy snack when she needs it. In fact, if she waits too long to eat, she's likely to get so upset that then she refuses to eat when I offer her something. Then I end up popping Snow White into the DVD player, cradling her on my lap, and loudly announcing how much I like to eat grapes when I get upset.

EW and I do value eating dinner together as a family, but it's also important to us that Lydia be able to listen to her body. How we negotiate these two ideas will probably change as she gets older, but this is what's working for us for now.

This post is part of the 2010 API Principles of Parenting blog carnival, a series of monthly parenting blog carnivals, hosted by API Speaks. Learn more about attachment parenting by visiting the API website.

The Wonderful World of Shoes

2010-03-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

Today, Lydia and I went shopping for shoes.

As long as I remember to keep my eye on her (I'm prone to daydreaming if left to my own devices), Lydia is fun to shop with. I always talk to her about trying things on and paying before we leave the store and being gentle with the things she wants to see. She's pretty much got it down, including how to hold up a necklace and say, "So cute!"

We started at Famous Footwear today. As I tried to find some sandals I remembered, Lydia had her own ideas. She grabbed a silver sandal with a bouquet of flowers on the toe, "Try flower shoe!" She carried it around while I found and tried on the much more sedate version I'd come for. I indulged her and tried on the flower-explosion sandal too.

We went to the children's section to look for rainboots, and Lydia discovered the existence of Shoes With Princesses on Them. "Ariel and Belle on the shoe!"

Not seeing any rainboots, I quickly steered her away before she could get too attached. I feared a meltdown, but when I told her we weren't buying that kind of shoe today, we were looking for rainboots, she got excited about rainboots instead.

We tried Target next since most everyone we know has their green frog rainboots.

Target also had red fire engine boots and pink Hello Kitty ones. Lydia really wanted the pink ones with cats on the toes, but they were out of her size.

I told her she could have the green frog boots today, or we could get pink cat boots another day. She tried them both on and played with them for a bit. She tried on the red boots too. I really wanted it to be her decision, but I began to doubt if she really understood the choice. I tried to think of how I was going to wrap this up if she didn't.

But eventually, she told me "Frog boots today." She wore them up to the cash register, but insisted on taking them off so they could sit on the conveyor belt and be properly checked out.

When we got home, I told her how we could buy fun things like new boots because Daddy goes to work every day. "So when he comes home, let's tell him thank you for the boots." I wasn't sure she would get this and wasn't planning to make her do it. I like to introduce ideas to her, and let them sink in when she's ready for them.

But when EW got home, after her initial hello, she lifted up her foot and said, "Boots." EW admired them, and she said, "Pink." I explained the tough decision at Target. Then she put her hand to her mouth, making the sign for ... thank you.

A Few of Lydia's Thoughts on Nursing

2010-03-09T19:39:00.000-08:00

Today, she looked up at me with a milky smile and said, "So tasty!" I've also heard that it's "So yummy!"
When she finishes nursing on one side, she wiggles her legs, grins, and says, "Other side now!"
While swinging at the park today, she was holding her two toy chipmunks, Simon and Brittany. She placed Simon behind Brittany and said, "Fix her back. Simon nursing Brittany's back. So sad. Brittany so sad. Needs nursing." Lydia placed Brittany under her shirt for a moment, then pulled her out with an exultant grin. "All better! So happy now!" She repeated this scenario several times, and I wondered if it had anything to do with my accidentally pinching some of the skin on her back yesterday while zipping up her shirt.
Sometimes when she's in the middle of a meltdown, I'll hear, "Upset! Nurse!"
She has a special fuzzy blanket that she calls her nursing blanket. She will nurse without it, but she especially likes to hold it when she's upset or tired. Bedtime does not proceed without it. Fortunately, we have several.

A Few More Negatives

2010-03-04T09:30:00.000-08:00

Lydia is cracking me up. I've blogged recently about her cute contradictions, and here are a few more.

Playing at the library

Me: We can get more tape at home.
Lydia: More tape at ri-ri (library)!

Leaving

EW: Say bye-bye to Mama.
Lydia (waving): Hi! Hi!

Going potty

Me: Can you sit on your potty?
Lydia: Sit on the floor!

When You Assume...

2010-03-01T17:48:00.000-08:00

I blogged recently about how Lydia is playing with words, deliberately using the wrong ones.

Tonight after dinner, if I called something "big," she said "little." She said her chipmunk was really a cat. When EW said she could put her chipmunk in her tunnel (aka a toilet paper tube) one more time before bed, she said, "Two!"

I told EW she was being quite contrary, but then I realized I was assuming what her intentions were, and we all know what assuming does...

How do I know she contradicts me just to be contrary? She's a toddler. One of the things she's learning as a toddler is that she's separate from her mother. So it makes sense that it's fun for her to say "little" when I say "big."

She's also learning about opposites and pairs. I frequently hear her meandering about the house muttering things like, "Up, down. Up, down" or "Mama, Daddy. Mama, Daddy." She's learning how to count as well, which means she's learning more specific ways to ask for more. And she's still learning to speak English, for goodness sake.

Of course, as she learns all of the above, it's up to EW and me to teach her when she really does need to listen to us. So while we didn't insist that the chipmunk was little or could not be called a cat, EW did whisk her up the stairs after her one-more-time was up with lots of assurance that her chipmunk tunnels would still be here tomorrow.

The funniest episode, however, occurred during dinner. Lydia kept asking for "More praying!" so I asked her if she wanted to pray. "Can you say, 'God'?"

She gave me a silly grin.

"Can you say, 'Thank you'?"

With another silly grin, Lydia replied, "No, thank you."

At least God knows what she's really thinking.

I think her dad might be an attourney...

2010-02-24T11:14:00.000-08:00

...because she's already negotiating with me.

Lydia and I went to a playgroup today with an Olympic theme. All the kids got a medal. A few kids asked for another, including Lydia.

I handed Lydia another medal and told her "Just two."

Lydia put her prize over her neck and said, "Three!"

I shook my head. "No, just two."

Lydia tried again, "Just three."

Sometimes it's hard to remember she's not even two yet.

How do you explain dreams to a toddler?

2010-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

When one of my brothers was little, he dreamed that my mom bought a cereal with blueberries in it that he really wanted and that she put it behind the couch. He woke up and began searching behind the couch for the lost cereal.

Lydia often wakes up from her naps in this sort of state. Today, I suddenly heard, "Red! Red! Red!" over the monitor and went upstairs to check on her. With one finger pointed in the air, she began crying and saying, "Red sticker." She quickly began sobbing, "Purple one."

I tried nursing her, but she would have none of it. I gathered her in my lap, wrapped her in my arms, and shushed her. Finally, she went back to sleep.

The other day she woke up asking for a chipmunk book. Given her current obsession with chipmunks, we have several. None of these satisfied her. She kept insisting there was another one.

I try to distract her and comfort her as best I can, but I feel sorry for her. I wonder when children are finally able to understand what a dream is.

Toddler Humor

2010-02-10T10:58:00.000-08:00

A couple nights ago, I found Lydia joking with me.

At dinner, I pointed to a new food and told Lydia it was was quinoa (pronounced keen-wa). She examined the pile on her plate, paused in concentration, and said, "Keema?" (Keema is an Indian dish she likes.) I shook my head and said, "No, quinoa."

She tried again. "Keewa?"

Very slowly, I repeated, "Quinoa."

She watched my mouth very carefully as I spoke. "Keewa?"

Amazed at how much she wanted to say it right, I said again, "Quinoa."

"Quinoa!" she said with a smile.

"That's right!"

Then Lydia gave me a silly grin. "Keema!" she said, watching my face.

I knew by now she understood the difference, so this was obviously a joke. I grinned back at her. "Quinoa!"

She grinned again. "Keema!"

I laughed. "Quinoa, quinoa, quinoa!"

Lydia shook her head and giggled. "Keema!"

Maybe next week I'll cook kima and quinoa on the same night...

No "Bad Sleepers" Here

2010-01-26T12:49:00.000-08:00

One of the things I like about Dr. Sears is that he doesn't label babies "bad sleepers."

By conventional standards, Lydia would be called a bad sleeper. For the first 6 months, she napped better on me in the wrap than she did by herself. She's only fallen asleep by herself a handful of times. She didn't sleep through the night until over 18 months old and still doesn't sleep through every night.

Since she's my first, I've heard that it's because I kept things too quiet at home. I've heard it's because I didn't put her down enough. I know many people would blame nursing her to sleep.

I recently read this short article by Dr. Sears, called 5 Reasons Why High-Need Infants Sleep Differently. I never really thought of Lydia has a high-needs baby at first, and I still don't think she's the most high-needs baby out there. But several things about this article rang true to me.

Ever wonder why some infants can fall asleep and stay asleep amid the noise of a party, while others awaken when you tiptoe quietly past their bed?...High-need babies can't rely on sleep to retreat from sensory overload. Instead, they overreact. When Lydia was a baby, she often needed me to retreat to a quiet place when we were somewhere bustling with people. I think this has become more pronounced as she's gotten older. Even now, she gets so overstimulated at Grandma's house, she'll rarely take a nap there. I can't remember the last time she fell asleep walking at the mall.
Even with older high-need children, their minds race so quickly at bedtime (the time you assign for them), that they cannot wind down without parental help. Bedtime has gone so much more smoothly with Lydia when we realized she needed an hour of getting on jammies, reading, and nursing to calm down before falling asleep.
But just to be inconsistent, as high-need babies get older, the nighttime closeness itself can stimulate them into waking easily. Although I lay down with Lydia as she falls asleep, there's often a point where she starts to wiggle to get comfortable. I take that as her I-need-this-whole-bed-to-myself signal and creep away.

Others may expect that Lydia should be able to lay down and go to sleep by herself, but I don't mind giving her the help she needs.

Others may say she'll never learn to fall asleep on her own, but I don't believe that. I've heard she would never sleep through the night without training either, but she's gradually doing that in her own time (with just a nudge from me shortening her nursing sessions at night).

I'm thankful to Dr. Sears for giving us another way to look at babies who have different needs at night, rather than calling them "bad sleepers."

Baby Chili

2010-01-25T06:24:00.000-08:00

For the most part, Lydia is still the happy little girl I've always known. A few new things lately, however, tell me we're headed deeper into Toddler Land.

Usually, she likes to answer questions such as, "What did you do at the park today?" Her new response is to grin and say something that sounds like, "Unh?"

She's learned the phrase "have to" because sometimes when she doesn't want to eat, I'll tell her, "You don't have to, but it's on your highchair when you feel hungry." At the park a few days ago, her friend Evan was offering her a stick. She looks up at me and says, "Have to?"

Her default response a lot of the time has become "All done!" Last night, she hadn't hardly eaten all afternoon, just nursed a couple times. I was pretty sure she was hungry, but when I said, "Lydia, wanna come eat some chili?"

Lydia: All done!
Me: Lydia, I have some baby chili for you.
Lydia: Ooooo!

She happily ate it all and asked for more.

EC Update - 19 Months

2010-01-24T07:05:00.000-08:00

I'm washing a load of training pants this morning for the first time in...well, I can't remember. A week, maybe? So, I think it's time for an update on the last couple months of EC. Here's an introduction to our adventure in EC, or Elimination Communication, if this term is unfamiliar to you.)

Since my last update, I've continued to offer the potty whenever she wakes up, after eating or nursing, before we get in the car, and anytime she hasn't been in a while. "A while" is a lot longer than it used to be. In the afternoon, sometimes she can go for several hours now.

Lydia tells me about half the time when she needs to go, or sometimes just after. I think her ability to hold it for a few minutes after she tells me is stronger now too.

At this point, Lydia's usually in Gerber training pants that I reinforced with a layer of cloth diaper. When we go out, I was putting pull-on plastic pants over these, but lately I've been leaving the plastic pants off. (I did put a puddle pad on the bottom of her car seat though since it's such a pain to take the cover off and wash it. And I keep extra pants in the car.)

We average about one miss (or accident) a day, sometimes none. In November, she often peed in the car during a long ride and often peed in her highchair. Now I can't remember the last time she peed in either of those places. In fact, during a five-hour car ride to Missouri last month, she stayed dry in between stops.

When she was a baby, I never did EC at night. The few times I tried she wanted nothing to do with the potty. But like I mentioned in my last update, she began to seem uncomfortable being wet all night long. So I've been offering the potty at night when she wakes up or changing her if she's wet. In the last month, she's been dry more and more often when she wakes to nurse. Now she's waking less often, sometimes staying dry all night without using the potty.

In November, I wrote that I'd seen a possible correlation between Lydia eating wheat and being incontinent. Now I have no question.

She got gluten several times on vacation, and the difference was remarkable. One afternoon, I pulled off a pair of wet training pants and before I could get her on the potty, she peed all over the floor. We went through training pants so fast that week, I was washing a load every other day.

It's taken me some time to get rid of all the sources of gluten in her diet. Unfortunately, it hides everywhere, including McDonald's fries, enchilada sauces, and Lindor Truffles. The difference is worth the trouble though, and I don't just mean the difference in laundry. I'm happy to help Lydia have control over her body and avoid any pain or discomfort an allergic reaction might cause her.

At this point in our EC journey, I'm amazed to see what a young child can do if she's given the chance. Yet I'm also reminded of how much patience and grace she needs while she's still learning. I want to always give her the chance to surprise me without putting pressure on her to perform.

Too soon?

2010-01-24T07:01:00.000-08:00

Our second night of no diaper wasn't quite as successful. She slept all night, but was wet in the morning. She wasn't soaked, so I think she only peed once, but her pants were cold, which tells me it wasn't just that I didn't get to her fast enough after she woke up.

I'm not sure what we'll do tonight...maybe just use a smaller diaper. She certainly doesn't need the super-soaker anymore.

We ditched the diaper...

2010-01-23T07:11:00.000-08:00

...last night for the first time.

Lydia's been dry at night, and waking less and less to need to pee, for the last few weeks. Taking a big dry diaper off in the morning was starting to seem ridiculous, so last night she just slept in training pants.

And, no, I did not have to wash any sheets this morning.

The Best Bib Ever

2010-01-21T19:30:00.000-08:00

These plastic bibs from Baby Bjorn are amazing. I was a little skeptical of paying that much for two bibs, but I was sick of our cheapo ones from Wal-Mart. The pocket bibs I had before had a cloth edge and a cloth back, but could only be wiped clean. I've been fighting a musty, mildewy smell for a while.

The Bjorn bibs are completely plastic, so you can hose them off and wipe them dry. You could even forget to clean up after breakfast and soak the yogurt-oatmeal mess off that afternoon, and they wouldn't suffer. (Not that that's ever happened here...)

I should have bought these a long time ago.

Toddler Yoga

2010-01-21T18:50:00.000-08:00

In my quest to get back to real exercise (not climbing stairs to put away laundry), I've been getting yoga DVDs from the library. I loved taking yoga classes before Lydia came along, and I've done yoga off and on since she's been born, but never got back into it consistently.

I thought the DVDs might help me keep focused and might entertain Lydia a little bit. I even found a new, stickier mat and thought, Great, now we can each have our own mat.

So this week, I put on my yoga pants, rolled out both mats, and popped in Family Yoga.

It went pretty well...at first. Lydia likes saying, "Loga! Loga!" She liked watching the girls and boy in the video and pointing out the mama and daddy. She even likes stretching up high.

But I was kidding myself when I thought two mats would be helpful. Of course, my mat is the only one worth standing on.

So I was making the best of my crowded space when the family in the video decided to have the youngest daughter crawl under everyone else doing Wheel Pose. Lydia thought that looked like fun, and now she tries to crawl under every pose--including those where I'm laying flat on my stomach. (I wish I knew how to include an audio clip of her saying, "Crawl under. Crawl under," because as annoying as the crawling is, she sounds really cute.)

The crawling seemed to inspire Lydia because she invented another toddler move on her own: while I was in Bow Pose, she said, "Get in there!" and crawled over my arms up onto my back.

Despite our crazy yoga this week, we may be getting somewhere. Yesterday, she actually did a version of Down Dog, proudly proclaiming she was "Upside down!" And then she let me fold her legs a couple different ways, and I showed her how to sit in Butterfly and how to sit, as they say, Criss-Cross Applesauce.

I do like using the DVDs better than not, it's nice on the days we don't want to take a walk, and I enjoy doing yoga again...even if someone is stepping on my hand during Final Relaxation.

Maybe eventually I'll even get her to use her own mat.

More from My Little Chatterbox

2010-01-18T11:22:00.000-08:00

Lydia's especially interested in names, and she'll copy me when I say things like, "Honey" or "Cutie Pie."

Today, she was holding a little Care Bear and said, "Lil one." It took me a second to catch on to what she was doing. Then I said, "Is that bear your Little One?"

She grinned. "Cu-ie Pie!"

"He's your Cutie Pie?"

Lydia smashed the bear against her mouth with a loud, "Mwah!" and then said, "Love you."

Playing with Fear

2010-01-13T16:54:00.000-08:00

The theme of lost and found has been on Lydia's mind a lot lately. She got two books for Christmas: one was a bear named Corduroy looking for his lost button, and the other was a boy losing a mitten and finding it.

Lydia was obsessed with these books for about a week. One night, she woke up sobbing, and I couldn't comfort her. Then I heard her saying, "Find! Find!" The next night, she fussed in her sleep and said, "Cor-roy."

Today we went shopping at the mall with my sister. While I tried on coats at Eddie Bauer, Lydia put her Happy Meal chipmunk (her current favorite toy) up on a table to look at sweaters. Suddenly, Lydia stopped running around and giggling. "Potty!"

But it was too late. The next words out of her mouth were "Wet baby! Change you!" So we trooped off to find a bathroom, which is no small feat in the middle of the mall.

We emerged from the Dillard's bathroom, one dry pull-up later, with Lydia asking for her chipmunk. In the hubbub, we'd left poor Chipmunk still looking at the sweater display. Although Dillard's was actually our next destination, Lydia's voice was urgent, so I assured Lydia we were on our way to find Chipmunk.

En route to Eddie Bauer, we ran into some friends and stopped to chat. Usually, Lydia would enthusiastically wave and say, "Hi, hi!"

This time, though, no smiles and no waves. "Chipmunk. Chipmunk," was all Lydia would say.

Happy Meal chipmunks, fortunately, are not high-theft items, so Chipmunk was still casually surveying the sweaters when we returned and was reunited with Lydia.

We returned to Dillard's to look at more coats. In need of a nap by now, Lydia began running up and down the aisle in the middle of the coat department, squealing and giggling. Since the area was mostly empty, I stood nearby, watching my sister try on coats, and running interference whenever the occasional shopper happened to wander through Lydia's race track.

In the scarf display, Lydia found another shelf for Chipmunk. Over and over, she left Chipmunk, ran over to me (where Chipmunk was hidden from view), and said, "Lost!"

Me: You lost your chipmunk?
Lydia: Oh, no!
Me (nodding): Oh, no.
Lydia (shrugs): Happens.
Me: That does happen sometimes. Can you find her?
Lydia: Where she?

Then Lydia would bend down so she could see under the coats, spot Chipmunk, and commence running and giggling again.

I've read before in Playful Parenting and elsewhere about how play can be useful for helping kids work through their fears. I'd never imagined I'd see my eighteen-month-old make up her own game to do just that.

Words

2010-01-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

Every day, Lydia's words become clearer. One day, it's papa, the next it's potty. One day, dada, the next diasaur (dinosaur).

I'm a little sad because one of Lydia's first and favorite words is disappearing. For the longest time, nurnur meant both blanket and nursing. This week, she began saying banket and nurshing. Nurnur only appears in moments of distress.

I once heard a mom say that each time her daughter lost the baby pronunciation of another word, a little part of her died, and now I think I understand.

On another note, having such a verbal toddler has really given me such a wonderful glimpse into what goes on inside such a young child's head. Just now, sitting in my lap, we had this conversation:

Lydia: Hungry!
Me: Who's hungry?
Lydia (smiling and wiggling her finger): Finger!
Me: Your finger is hungry?
Lydia: Snack!
Me: What's your finger want to eat for a snack?
Lydia: Alfredo! (her new favorite food)

I'm still not sure exactly what all that meant.

A Few Funnies

2009-12-08T14:51:00.000-08:00

Lydia is fascinated with hiding things right now. Yesterday, Lydia kept pointing at her panties (training pants, really), and saying, "Hide! Hide!" I wasn't sure what she was talking about, so I nodded, and said, "Hide!" A bit later, I picked Lydia up to set her on the counter (her favorite place while I'm cooking). I felt something hard...and pulled out of her panties a large wooden block. Hiding, indeed.
Today, I laid several sweaters on the floor in my room to dry on some towels, and I explained to Lydia what I was doing. She was very excited and kept saying, "Towel! Dry! Sweater!" I asked her not to walk on the towels, and we spread out one of her blankets for her to walk on instead. Now, she is busy setting her little blankies on top of the sweaters, and talking about which one is Mama's sweater, Daddy's sweater, the little sweater...

Tenacious Toddlers

2009-11-30T17:52:00.000-08:00

Today I pulled out the Christmas decorations. Lydia was already excited over the fact that a tree has taken up residence in our house, and today she discovered that in addition to her favorite stuffed animals, Big Snoopy and Little Snoopy, we also have a Christmas Snoopy. This Snoopy even jingles when she shakes him. She spent the afternoon kissing Snoopy, nursing Snoopy, and helping me decorate the tree.

I read recently that when you tell a toddler not to do something, they try again to figure out exactly what you mean. I saw this today when I strung lights on the tree.

Lydia grabbed the strand of lights and pulled. I put it back and said, "The lights stay on the tree." She looked at me, moved her hand over a few inches, and pulled again. I put them back and repeated, "The lights stay on the tree." She tried to pull them off a few more times in various places. I repeated the above.

Finally, she went back to playing with Snoopy and didn't touch the lights again.

It would have been easy to view her behavior as being naughty, defiant, or willfully disobedient. But with the above perspective, I could almost see the wheels turning in her head:

Does that mean the lights on this side of the tree? What about the other side? What about the lights up high?

I'm glad God gave Lydia this determination and curiosity. She has so much to learn, and so much she tries to do is difficult for her. If she gave up touching the lights the first time, how would she ever learn to walk or talk? Even though it's frustrating at times, I'm willing to repeat myself when needed.

When I started decorating the tree, I was fully prepared to put the lights away if they proved to be too big a temptation for her. After all, I want the tree to be fun for all of us, not a continuous battleground. And who knows, I may take them off eventually. Because when she wakes up, it may be time to see if the lights have to stay on the tree today...

Another Potty First

2009-11-27T11:32:00.000-08:00

Lydia was dry for the entire night last night!

Wake up!

2009-11-27T11:23:00.000-08:00

Lydia is an early riser. We've tried fiddling with her bedtime, but at this point in her life, she just likes to start her day around 5:30 or 6:00 am.

She recently learned how to say "wake up" and will tell me to wake up when I pretend to sleep while we're playing.

This morning, she called for me at an extra-early 5:15 am. She nursed a little bit, used the potty, and then said, "Dada!"

Me: Daddy's still sleeping.
Lydia: See!
Me: Daddy's still sleeping.
Lydia: Wake up!

Too bad she's not old enough to send out with a Black Friday Christmas shopping list...

Yes, that's a naked baby butt in my living room...

2009-11-21T19:41:00.000-08:00

Right around her first birthday, Lydia started telling me when she needed to go potty. I got all excited and bought a lot of training pants. Then suddenly she quit telling me. A suggestion of using the potty became a back-arching, slithering-out-of-my-arms event.

When she turned one, I couldn't remember the last poopy diaper I'd changed. I spent the summer changing a lot of them.

The change was disappointing to me, but I knew that this was only a phase, often called a "potty pause" among EC'ers. (Here's an introduction to our adventure in EC, or Elimination Communication, if this term is unfamiliar to you.) I continued to offer the potty occasionally, usually at time I was pretty certain she needed to go (like when she first woke up in the morning), but many days passed where she never went in the potty at all.

The summer was a busy time for Lydia though. She was worked very hard learning to walk. Then Daddy came home. Then we moved. All good enough reasons to distract a little girl from something as mundane as the potty.

As we settled into our new home, I began to encourage her to use the potty again. Two tactics seemed to bring back her enthusiasm.

I read that toddlers often feel insecure using an insert on an adult toilet and usually learn faster on a little potty. Despite the fact that I preferred just flushing to dumping and rinsing, I bought another Baby Bjorn to have one one upstairs and one down. We use these exclusively unless we're away from home. When a big potty is the only choice, I sit behind her so she feels secure.
I worked on making the potty more fun. For a few days, I held her over the sink so she could see herself in the mirror like I did when she was a little baby. Next, with a potty always nearby, I began taking the potty to her or helping her bring her toy to the potty so she could play uninterrupted. I often said, with much gusto, "You can read a book and pee in the potty at the same time!"

I also talk a lot about using the potty: "You need to pee? Let's sit on the potty. Peeing! You're peeing in the potty! Thank you!" When she's got wet panties or diaper, I say, "You're wet! We need to change you! Let's put on DRY panties. It feels so good to be DRY!" Lydia is very verbal, so in addition to potty, she's picked up the words pee, wet, and dry.

Soon we were back to the training pants. A month ago, I left them off for a little bit, and next thing I knew, she said, "Pahpah!", walked to the potty, and peed.

Although I've always been skeptical of naked time, and I don't like cleaning up messes, I to give her a chance. To my surprise, she began telling me almost every time she needed to go. With training pants, she usually told me just after she peed, but with diapers, she often didn't tell me at all.

I have had to clean up some messes, but I feel like it was worth it to me at this point. Now, Lydia often tells me even when she's wearing training pants. In fact, she was dry today while we were out until a long car ride home.

At this point, she's not independent with the potty. I still have to help her get to the potty and sit down. She can't maneuver her clothes (when she's wearing them). She easily gets distracted if she's doing something super exciting like playing with her Aunt Larissa. For some reason, she often forgets to tell me when she's eating in her highchair.

I've never done EC at night, but recently the need to pee and being wet seem to disturb her sleep sometimes. So whenever she wakes up, I offer the potty and change her if she's wet. My goal isn't that she's dry all night at this point. It's just to keep her comfortable.

Around her first birthday, I realized that wheat gives Lydia a red rash, called an allergy ring, on her bottom. Last weekend, she accidentally got some gluten, the red ring appeared, and suddenly she was peeing everywhere except the potty and didn't even seem to notice. It could have been a coincidence, but it's something I'm going to keep an eye on in the future.

Overall, I'm really happy with our EC experience. Even though the summer was discouraging, I'm so glad we stuck with it, and I'm excited to see how Lydia continues to learn.

Just when I've been feeling discouraged about EC...

2009-10-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

Lydia said, "Pah-pah! Pee!" Then she walked over to her potty, sat down, and peed.

Bad Babies?

2009-10-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

When Lydia was only a few months old, people would ask me, "Is she a good baby?"

What they really meant, of course, was "Does she cry a lot?" I'm not sure exactly how much a baby has to cry to no longer be a "good baby," and despite some fussy times, Lydia was really pretty happy. But this question always bothered me. I wondered what someone would do if I said, "Well, no, she's actually pretty bad."

At the Just Between Friends consignment sale today, I overheard a mother say of her infant twins, "I'm surprised they're being so good since it's lunchtime." Obviously, she really meant that her babies would usually be hungry and fussing to eat by now.

Now I know that many people say these sorts of things about babies, and most of the time probably don't think about what the word "good" actually means. But that's why I want to stop and think about it for a moment here.

I saw those twins a little later, headed for the exit. One was fussing, the other crying. I assume they were finally getting hungry. Does that mean they were being bad?

If Lydia had cried a lot as an infant, would she have been a bad baby?

Babies cry because they have needs. Sometimes those needs are obvious (hunger, for example), and sometimes not. Sometimes, babies just cry. Some babies are happier than others. That doesn't make one good or the other bad. They're just different.

At the sale today, I also overheard (I assume) a grandmother telling a little girl no older than my 16-month-old, "Naughty girl! Naughty!" for some fussing over something her mother told her not to do.

Now, sometimes one-year-olds cry not because they have a genuine need but because they're upset about something they want and can't have or do. I still don't think that makes
them naughty. It just makes them one. To me, naughty implies so much more malintent than a one-year-old is capable of.

Personally, if I need to say anything, I prefer just to say what's happening with my daughter, and leave it at that:

She's crying because she's hungry.

She's upset because we have to go.

She's pretty calm most of the time.

None of these statements leave a bad taste in my mouth, and none of them make unneeded judgements about my daughter's character.

"This is what we do when we're tired..."

2009-09-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

Since reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers (see this post), our new bedtime routine consists of Daddy giving Lydia a bath around 6:30. I come upstairs with a snack (whole grain rice cake and whole milk) at about 7:00. Lydia and I sit on her bed and read while she eats her snack. Whenever she says she's done, I brush her teeth (in the bedroom), and we lay down for more reading, telling stories, or nursing.

The first night we tried the whole routine (with no stroller rides), I had an epiphany: Lydia needs me to teach her what to do when she's tired. I knew she was tired. I had seen the eye-rubbing. She had gone to sleep in her stroller at this time for the past several nights. But when we lay down, she popped back up. She tried to crawl away.

I realized Lydia didn't know what to do when she felt tired. For all she knew, that feeling of fatigue means run around as fast as you can so you don't miss anything.

So that night, I gently helped Lydia to lie back down. I told her, "You need to lie down. You're tired. This is what we do when we're tired. We can read a book, or I can tell you a story, or we can nurse, but you need to lie down."

And you know what? She fussed a little. I had to repeat this several times. We alternated a little nursing, a little reading, a little story-telling in between. But in the end, she lay down and went to sleep with no crying and no running wild around the room.

Since then, I've been pointing out pictures of people sleeping to her. I say, "That baby was tired, so she's sleeping. See, she's lying down, and she closed her eyes." Each night has gotten better. Lydia might protest a little when we first lie down, but I think she understands what's expected now.

Apparently, some toddlers don't need to be taught this. Elizabeth Pantley has a picture in her book of one of her children sleeping on the landing of the stairs because she would fall asleep wherever she happened to be when she got tired. On the other hand, my parents like to tell about one of my brothers who would prop his eyelids open with his hands and say, "I'm not tired. I'm not tired." I'm beginning to think Lydia takes after him.

Before my epiphany, I had thought about telling Lydia she had to lie down when she tried to jump up and run around, but I thought of it as a discipline issue, not a teaching opportunity. I never tried making her lie down because I wasn't sure if she was tired or not, and I knew she would just start crying and then we would be even further from sleep.

Now, when I tell Lydia "this is what we do when we're tired," I feel confident that this is what she needs. We've helped her calm down from her busy toddler day. She's had a snack. I know she's tired. She just needs help learning what the final steps into slumberland are.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley

2009-09-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

We're going on four straight nights in the Childers household of going to sleep with no stroller rides.

Until about a month ago, we had a nice bedtime routine going: bath at 7:30 and fall asleep nursing by 8:00. Suddenly, between a stuffy nose, too many short naps in the car, and moving house, our routine disappeared.

I would run her bathwater only to have her start screaming. Thinking she was too tired for a bath, I would put her nightgown on. Then she would run around the bedroom giggling. Any attempt to get her to lay down was met with, "Done! Done!"

Was she not tired? Overtired? She would start crying again, still refuse to nurse, and I sat on the floor with my head in my hands and no idea how to get my daughter to sleep. Finally, Daddy would strap her in the stroller and go for a walk.

Tired of crossing my fingers each night, hoping somehow something would change, I found a copy of Elizabeth Pantley's The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Child's Sleep.

Here are the points that helped us get back on track:

Lydia was overtired in the evening. Overtired children have short fuses but may be bouncing off the walls and fight going to bed.
Even though the 8:00 bedtime had worked before, it obviously wasn't working now. Pantley suggests that if you don't know when a good bedtime is, watch your child for signs of fatigue starting at 6:30 and promptly put them to bed. The first night or so, we gave Lydia her bath right after dinner and as soon as we saw the first yawn or rubbing of the eyes, we took her for a walk. After several nights, we realized she needed to be asleep by 7:30 or so.
Lydia needed more help winding down. Pantley suggests an hour-long bedtime routine. At first, I thought, What? An hour? You've got to be kidding! Pantley points out that if you've got a child resisting sleep, you're probably spending that much time anyway. She also suggests thinking of it as an hour dedicated to your child(ren), a pleasant, just-us end to the day. (And since Daddy and I are splitting up bedtime duties, it only works out to half an hour each anyway.)
Lydia's naps got really messed up while we were moving because she took short naps in the car during the 40 minute drive. Now that we're settled, she's back to her regular 1.5-2 hour nap and her mood has improved a lot.
We made Lydia's room just for sleeping, getting dressed/changing diapers, and reading. I've moved all her toys (except stuffed animals) elsewhere. It's very frustrating to think your child is finally settling down, only for her to pop up, point, and say, "Ball! Ball!" (Pantley also gives suggestions for making a sleeping section and a playing section.)
We finally got the blackout shades hung up in her new room.

One of the things I like about Pantley's book is she doesn't have the attitude that everyone needs to follow every single thing she says or else we're messing up our children for life. Her book is really just a lot of ideas to try if you're having trouble, and she recognizes that every family and every child is different.

For example, I've read of moms whose toddlers will crawl into bed themselves whenever they are tired, so these moms don't bother with any specific bedtime or routine. If I did that, Lydia would end up collapsing in a crying heap in the middle of the living room floor. There really is no one-size-fits-all approach to bedtime, but I was very thankful for some ideas on how to make bedtime more peaceful in the Childers house.

Next post: "This is what we do when we're tired..."

Moving

2009-09-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

Nur-nur! Nur-nur! Nur-nur!

During the past week, as more and more of our bedroom furniture disappeared from our former home, Lydia began dragging me to the bed, asking to nurse. But when I lay down with her, she'd pop up and pronounce she was done. She rolled over the bed and wanted to hide in the pillows. Irritated, I just wanted to get on with my packing.

At some point, however, I realized that our bed (Lydia sleeps on a pallet next to the big bed) had become a sort of comfort spot to her. It wasn't so much that she needed to nurse but that she needed reassurance, and she needed her mama.

Lydia asked to nurse more this morning than she usually does in a week. It's no coincidence that this was the first day in our new house.

Her requests were accompanied by much waving of her nursing blanket. With the blanket in one hand and Snoopy in the other, she marched over to her bed. Nur-nur! Nur-nur! Nur-nur!

Again, some of these were false requests. Sometimes, she actually nursed. As the day wore on, the requests became fewer, but she still occasionally walked to the stairs, looked up towards the bedrooms, and said, Nur-nur! Bah! (Nurse! Bed!)

This week has given me such an fascinating glimpse into Lydia's mind. As she dropped most of her nursing sessions over the past few months, I've wondered sometimes if she really cared much for nursing at all. Today, I realized nursing is inextricably intertwined in her mind with comfort and security. The two concepts are interchangeable to her. Hence, the asking to nurse when what she really wants is Mama snuggles.

I had to throw out some irritation today. After all, it's a little hard to organize the master bedroom when someone is dragging you away from the closet each time you hang up one shirt. Before I had Lydia, yes, the most important priority would have been unpacking. Now, it's reassuring Lydia that even if her house has disappeared, along with Grandma and Aunt Larissa, Mama is still here.

Just for the Record, I Think Walking Is Wonderful

2009-08-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

On August 9, Lydia started walking. By walking, I mean using her two legs to transport herself of her own accord around the house. No coaxing. No tricks. Just one run-away toddler.

I was told to dread this day.

You will never sit down again, they said.

Your house will never be the same.

You'll be chasing after her all day.

Ha. I'm sitting more now than I have for the last three months.

I never knew that learning to walk could take so long or so many incremental steps (pardon the pun). Lydia has been wanting to walk since she stretched her legs out to "stand up" in my lap at two months old. She started cruising before she crawled. In fact, I doubted she would crawl at all.

In May, she began grabbing hold of my fingers so I could help her walk around the yard. At first, it was a fun game. But then Lydia quit cruising when she realized that with Mama's fingers in her hands, she could walk anywhere she wanted to go. Her thirst for walking seemed endless. Despite my determination to cherish every moment of babyhood, I soon began to dread the feel of her little fingers wrapping themselves around mine.

After about a month of two-handed walking, Lydia graduated to holding only one of Mama's fingers. She felt so steady and drug me around so fast, I thought surely she would be off on her own soon. We tried coaxing her, cheering her, bribing her with her favorite toys. The only way we got her to walk on her own was by tricking her. When she was holding a blanket or bottle with both hands, she thought she was getting some help and might take a couple steps before plopping down.

On July 17, Lydia finally took a few steps of her own accord. Much cheering ensued. We all bet on when she would really take off--the end of the weekend, next week, the end of the month. To Lydia, however, walking was still a circus trick, not a reliable method of transportation.

Her determination to master walking still amazes me. For the rest of July, she practiced walking a few steps here, a few more there. One afternoon, she entertained herself walking between a chair and a footstool over and over. I watched her--sitting down myself--and got a taste of what was to come.

Finally, on August 9, long after all our bets expired, Lydia took off. She toddled from the kitchen to the living room and back again...and again...and again.

She likes to walk back and forth between Grandma's office and Mama's computer. Or now that Daddy's home, she'll go between Mama in the kitchen and Daddy in the livingroom.

Sure, I have to follow her sometimes or put up a gate to keep her in the general area. She wandered away from me at the mall once before I learned to keep a closer eye on her. She's relocated several shoes, and I haven't seen her stuffed shark in a few days.

But we're both so much happier. Now, she can explore freely, and at least occasionally, I get to sit down.

Daddy's Home!

2009-08-25T18:11:00.000-07:00

The month of August can be defined with one event: Lydia's daddy came home on August 14.

He was deployed when she was two months old. For various reasons, we weren't able to web cam with Lydia or talk with a speakerphone. What I did do regularly was show Lydia a video of him reading a story to her.

During R&R in May, at first, Lydia wasn't even sure about touching him. She only wanted to sit in his lap after several days when I finally thought to show her the story-reading video. It took almost the full two weeks of leave before they could play together without me around.

Ever since that visit, however, Lydia has been able to recognize his picture and even asked to watch the video by pointing at my laptop and saying, "Dada." During a Father's Day story time, when the librarian mentioned daddies, Lydia fished her picture of Daddy out of her purse and said, "Dada."

This time, as soon as I said, "Lydia, this is Daddy," she pointed at him: "Dada!" She let him hold her that day. Not even a week later, he took her for a walk and to the park...sans Mama.

Lydia is still learning what daddies are all about, but she is very excited to have hers home.

You Know You're a Mom When...

2009-08-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

...while getting ready for bed, you have to unload from your pockets a day's worth of

treasures you've been storing for your daughter (including, but not limited to, pinecones, bubble wands, and stickers)
all the pens, cell phones, and scissors you've been deftly swiping into your pocket while thinking, "Oh, crap! How did that get out where she can see it?"

Book: MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths

2009-07-30T11:47:00.000-07:00

Another book I've enjoyed recently is MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths by Janet Penley and Diane Eble. MotherStyles applies the Myers-Briggs personality types to parenting, showing how each mother has unique strengths and challenges based on her own personality.

I love how MotherStyles gets rid of the notion that there is one ideal mom out there somewhere. Instead, the authors argue that every family will look different because each parent is different. For example, some mothers love playing pretend with their kids and others don't. Some have dinner on the table every day at six and others don't see a need for a certain time. Some moms love being with their children 24/7 and others may need a quiet break sometimes. All of these scenarios are okay.

A few things I realized about myself while reading MotherStyles:

As an Introvert, one of my needs is some alone time every day. I've realized that while Lydia is napping, that is not a good time for me to call a friend on the phone, chat with my mom, or probably even get on Facebook. Being a Feeling type also means that I need a break from Lydia's needs, so this is another reason I need to make sure that nap time is a break.

I used to feel guilty about the fact that I feel such a need to have a break from Lydia, especially since I believe in attachment parenting and her need to be with me a lot at this age. I would also read or hear other moms say that they love to have their children with them all the time, and I wondered why I don't feel that way. MotherStyles showed me that every mom is different in her need (or not) for alone time. I realized that I can believe in attachment parenting and also find sensitive ways to fulfill my need for a break.

As an Intuitive, I get bored and impatient sometimes with the humdrum of baths, diapers, lunch, laundry. That doesn't mean I don't love Lydia. I just have to remember to take a break from reality sometimes by working on my next book, reading a novel, or even just incorporating some pretend play into our day. I love playing with Lydia more than ever right now as she has started to like to pretend with her stuffed animals.

Being a Judging type, it's normal for me to struggle with the unpredictableness of a baby and to think about how much I could get done if she wasn't clinging to my leg. Instead of chiding myself when I feel that way, I'm trying to remind myself of how much good I'm doing just by being with Lydia. I'm trying to simply decide to let my need for order go in some areas (it really doesn't hurt anything for Lydia to take a bath holding a corncob from dinner) and to find ways to fulfill that need in others (having simple morning and evening routines). My writing also gives me a goal to work towards and helps fill that need I feel to be productive.

Apparently, we moms all have one thing in common. The authors actually found that we all feel as if we don't have enough patience: we just lose our patience over different things.

In the end, MotherStyles has helped me to look at both myself and other moms with less judgement and more understanding.

Of Swings and Things

2009-07-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

Ever since Lydia was born, I've been waiting to introduce her to swings.

I loved swings so much as a kid, I memorized "The Swing" by Robert Louis Stevenson and recited it while I was swinging. I had different methods of swinging: hanging my head backwards to let my hair trail on the ground, stretching out straight and gliding, pumping as fast as I could. My friend Mary Beth and I invented a game called Hi-Bye we played when swinging side by side.

My brother used to hang ropes out of the tree in the front yard. I'm not sure why. As a child, however, I thought his purpose was surely to aid me in making swings. I infuriated him to no end tying pieces of wood to his dangling ropes. The one thing I never did, however, was swing too high after I saw an illustration in a Richard Scarry book of a character flipping over the top of the swing set.

I first introduced Lydia to the baby swings last spring, but she grabbed the front and tipped forward and wasn't happy until I rescued her. So I waited.

At my grandma's apartment this month, we tried the swings again, and this time, she fell in love. She smiled, she giggled, she asked me to try every swing. The next day, when she spotted the swings, she pointed and tugged at my shirt, and said urgently, "Mama! Mama! Mama!"

Ever since my post about Lydia discovering the moon, I've been thinking about why these moments are so special. This afternoon, swinging at the park, we watched a little boy feed the ducks, and I remembered back in college taking a group of exchange students to feed the ducks. Feeding the ducks is something I've done a hundred times, but these students grinned and squealed with delight just like Lydia and the little boy at the park this afternoon.

Watching Lydia discover the world takes me back to the joy and wonder of seeing the Eiffel Tower, the Atlantic Ocean, or the Great Divide for the first time. As a mom, almost every day, I get to bring someone else that same joy. In exchange, I get to see the old and the familiar through the eyes of someone who has never seen it before.

Goodnight, Moon

2009-07-28T11:39:00.000-07:00

Lydia discovered the moon last night.

Since bedtime the night before had resulted in a screaming baby before we even made it to the bathtub, last night I thought maybe bedtime should be a little earlier. Right.

Lydia happily played in the tub, happily nursed, and happily asked to go play outside. Realizing a gross error had occured in my bedtime strategy, I quickly assessed the weather (usually much too hot for a pleasant nighttime walk) and decided to take advantage of the cool breeze. I packed Lydia up in the Ergo, solicited the company of the dog and Grandma, and off we went.

Our walk was very pleasant, but in the end, not sleep-inducing. Lydia discovered the moon.

Her eyes lit up, her little finger pointed, and I tried my best to follow her gaze. In the still-blue sky, the moon was a bright white half-circle. It's either that or the neighbor's tree, I thought, so I pointed and said, "Moon."

She smiled at me and looked back at the sky. "Muh."

We spent the rest of the walk admiring the moon, and when we came home, I pulled out one of her books that has a picture of the moon and showed it to her.

Then we did the never fail (so far) put-the-baby-to-sleep technique and went for a drive.

Things I've Learned Today

2009-07-24T15:04:00.000-07:00

Do not take Snoopy to story time unless you want to explain to the other toddlers that no, he is not one of the library toys.
When your child is rubbing her eyes at three, even though she just woke up two hours ago and will not nurse to sleep, just go for a drive. You will really regret doing otherwise by dinnertime.
Sometimes a child who can talk is just as confusing as one who can't. "Outside? Okay, let's get your shoes." Five seconds later, on the patio, "Snack? Okay, let's go in the kitchen." Before I even open the fridge, "Snoopy? I don't know where Snoopy is. Let's go find him..."
Playing naked in the sandbox fixes many ills (Lydia, that is, not me).

Book: Baby Days

2009-07-23T10:53:00.000-07:00

With the transition to toddlerhood, I've found that Lydia needs more to keep her occupied. Yes, the newborn days when she would be content to stare at the quilt lining her Moses basket are long gone.

At the library, I found a great book, Baby Days: Activities, Ideas, and Games for Enjoying Daily Life with a Child Under Three by Barbara Rowley. The book is divided into different times of day and has activities for meals, outdoors, baths, and crafts, to name a few. Each activity lists what's needed and has suggested ages.

The most helpful to me was the section about including toddlers in your household activities. Before, Lydia was content just to ride around on my back while I did chores. Many times that still satisfies her, but Baby Days encouraged me to think of ways she can participate. Sometimes it's doing an actual task, which I think is a great foundation to build on in the future. Other times, it's just letting her think she's helping or making a chore into a game.

However it happens, I fully support encouraging any and all enthusiasm for helping mama.

Sometimes when I sweep, I wear her in the sling on my hip and she holds the end of the broom. This is such a hit, Lydia often says "More?" when we finish, so some days we've ended up sweeping the porch and the patio as well. As soon as she walks on her own, I plan to find her a child-sized broom.
After meals, I have her put the cloth we used to wipe her face in a basket in the laundry room.
Together, we push the laundry basket along the floor between our room and the laundry room.
At the end of her bath, I ask her to put her toys in the colander I keep them in. (She doesn't always get them all in there, put I think it's a good start for the future.) If I don't get the colander out, she'll point at it until I do.
When making the bed, I throw the sheets over her and we play peekaboo.
Lydia's absolute favorite is dusting. She will carry a feather duster all afternoon when she gets the chance, so sometimes when I'm cleaning, I give her a duster to hold while she crawls around me or hangs out on my back. Today, I found an extra small duster on clearance at Office Depot, so I made a big deal out of Lydia's Very Own Duster. At Shorty Small's this evening, we spent the time waiting for food dusting empty chairs.

Sometimes, I encourage Lydia to play by herself while I'm doing chores, but that only works for so long. Then I feel two little hands grab onto my leg and a small voice says, "Mama?" To me, including Lydia when I can enables me to save play-by-yourself-for-just-ten-minutes-please time for when I really need it. (It's hard to include a toddler while updating Quicken, IM'ing my husband, or calling the insurance agent.) Most of all, I enjoy teaching Lydia, and I like the harmony of working together rather than anxiously sweeping as fast as I can before Lydia loses interest in stacking cups and clambers up my leg again.

That, and I'm trying to do everything I can to kindle a life-long love affair with the vacuum cleaner.

I'm back!

2009-07-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

My hiatus lasted quite a bit longer than I meant it to! But I've finished my book, graduated, and am now anxiously anticipating the return of my hubby.

The last few months, we've been transitioning from babyhood to toddlerhood. The transition took me a little by surprise. I wasn't expecting the screaming and back arching to start quite so soon. At the same time, I'm fascinated by Lydia's new skills, the connections she makes, the personality that bubbles through a little more every day.

A few of the things she's been up to lately...

She says well over 50 words now although many of them sound very similar ("baba" can mean anything from blueberry to potty to ball) and require context to interpret. She knows a few signs, which helps. She's starting to put two words together sometimes too.
She's learning about body parts and loves to touch everyone's eyes, nose, mouth, etc.
Everything is better when experienced through her feet. In fact, she has a special squeal that means, "I'm touching something really cool with my FEET!"
A stuffed Snoopy has become her new friend and apparently my second child. Snoopy used the potty with us this morning, and Lydia enjoyed shoving Snoopy at me this afternoon saying "Nya-nya nur-nur" (Snoopy nurse!). She jerked Snoopy away with a loud, "Duh!" (done), then shoved him at me again, "More!" Then it was time for her stuffed Woodstock to join in. I've also been called on to nurse a teddy bear and, my favorite, a stuffed shark. At this rate, I'm not going to need to give birth again anytime soon.

You know you're a mom when...

2009-04-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

...in a pinch, you have used a public restroom one handed.

Hiatus and a Few Firsts

2009-03-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

I won't be posting much for the next month or so as I finish up my final project (a YA novel) for my master's degree.

A few firsts I've seen the last few days...

The top of Lydia's first tooth made its appearance this weekend.
Lydia has learned how to wave. She doesn't wave goodbye yet, but mostly uses it as a greeting, sometimes repeatedly. She especially loves to wave at Grandpa across the dinner table.
Grandma and I now think that dada (dog) and mama (mama) are real first words...maybe.
Lydia crawled three feet about a month ago and hasn't done it since. She's moved onto cruising instead. I've tried to convince her that crawling would get her more places and doesn't take as long to learn as walking. Her aunt and I have even given her crawling lessons. Yet Lydia remains as unmoved as when I tried to persuade her to be born before her due date.

An Attempt at Playful Parenting

2009-03-21T17:50:00.000-07:00

Lydia and I enjoyed a nice long walk this afternoon. Now I can say, "Look, Lydia!" and point at a bird or a cat, and she'll turn her head to see what it is. So I had fun showing her some of the wonders of spring, enjoying her head snuggling up against my chest now and then, and listening to her "sing."

Towards the end of the walk, however, Lydia wanted to play one of her favorite games, which my aunt calls Mommy Fetch. Lydia dangles her toy in the air, drops it, and looks at the ground. If I don't stop to pick it up, she kicks her legs and wiggles and fusses, as if to say, "Mom, can't you see we're leaving behind the most precious toy in the world?"

I don't mind doing this occasionally. After all, Lydia doesn't know that Issac Newton already did this experiment hundreds of years ago, and we all know it's called gravity. Sometimes at home when I'm holding her, I swoop her down and let her pick up the toy herself. Sometimes, she doesn't pick up her toy on the first swoop because she wants to be swooped through the air again.

(Unfortunately, this has turned into a game that Lydia loves a lot more than I do. It's okay at home when I'm not doing much anyway. It's not so fun when we're trying to shop at the Gap or fix dinner.)

Today, we had a ways to go before we got home, and I didn't want to stop every two feet to pick up her pink bag. I could stuff the offending pink bag in my back pocket, but then I'd have a crying baby on my hands, and that didn't seem like a fun way to end our walk either.

I thought about the book I've been reading lately, Playful Parenting. A lot of the book applies more to older children, but the essence of what I've read so far is about not turning everything into a power struggle. Instead, sometimes you can diffuse a situation with humor or playfulness.

As we were walking, I decided to try playing different games with Lydia's pink bag (i.e. games that didn't involve Mama bending over every two feet in the middle of the street the rest of the way home.) I kept my hand on the bag and pretended she was giving it to me when she let go, then made a big show of giving it back to her (a game she likes sometimes anyway). We played peek-a-boo with the bag. I tickled her with the bag. And then we were home.

So I learned two things today. First, I liked coming up with a different solution to our "disagreement" than the two obvious ones. Second, don't make something into a game unless you really want to do it over and over and over and...

Who knew it could be so exciting to...

2009-03-20T19:17:00.000-07:00

...sit under the hair dryer at the salon for half an hour drinking Starbucks and reading a magazine. (Thanks, Grandma!)

The Wonder Weeks

2009-03-15T17:51:00.000-07:00

When Lydia was four months old, suddenly she wanted to be held constantly. The worst part was even when I held her, she fussed. The best way I can describe it is constant moaning. She didn't nurse very well and didn't sleep very well. I thought she was already teething.

Nine months later, Lydia still sports a toothless, gummy smile. So what was going on all those months ago?

Thanks to this amazing book, The Wonder Weeks, I know Lydia was going through her 19-week mental developmental spurt. Her what? you ask?

According to the authors, all babies go through the same leaps in mental development at 5, 8, 12, 19, 26, 37, 46, and 55 weeks (calculated from their due date, not birth date). From 19 weeks on, the leaps are usually a bigger adjustment for babies, so the leaps before this one may not stand out as much (i.e. you may not feel like you're going insane or have suddenly become the world's worst parent).

So at 19 weeks, Lydia was learning about events. It's after this leap that they can "perceive and experiment with short, familiar sequences" (p. 118). After this leap, she began to bang toys repeatedly on the table. Before this leap, she'd rolled over a few times, but I think it was usually an accident. After this leap, she could roll over on purpose because she understood the sequence of movements required.

As Lydia came out of the 19 week leap, my happy baby returned. I've heard many people comment that 6-8 months is such a fun age, and I think if you look at The Wonder Weeks, you'll see why that feeling is so universal. There are no leaps between six and eight months.

At 8 and half months, Lydia became fussy again for about a week or so as she went through the 37-week leap. This leap fascinates me because Lydia is learning to categorize. In addition to the obvious categories like shapes and colors, Lydia now understands that she is a person just like I'm a person.

Now she's beginning to prompt us to imitate her and will imitate us. This evening, for example, she tried to feed me a Cheerio. And after this leap, she fell even more in love with the family dog. My mom and I think he excites her so much because she understands that he's a different category from people.

I find it fascinating to read about each leap as Lydia grows because this knowledge makes me a closer observer of her abilities. I used to think of babies' development as the obvious stuff like sitting up or crawling, but now I'm amazed at all the ways babies' minds change during the first year too.

More than anything, however, The Wonder Weeks, helps me not freak out when Lydia goes through her fussy weeks. Instead of running to the drugstore for teething supplies or thinking I'm failing some mothering pop-quiz, I know that the fussiness is normal, it's temporary, and it's not my fault. There's not much I can do for Lydia, other than pop her in a carrier so she can have lots of snuggles. Still, I try to think about times when I had to do something really hard, and I know my husband or my parents probably needed extra patience with me then too.

(Thanks to AskMoxie for talking about this book!)

Who knew it could be so exciting to...

2009-03-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

drink a whole cup of coffee in a regular mug without reheating it once. (Yay for cruising!)

First Words?

2009-03-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I thought about how I would feel when Lydia says her first word. I imagined tears wetting my eyes as I finally got a glimpse into her little soul.

The key to that Kodak Moment is being able to recognize the precious first word. Lydia has loved to use her voice every since she discovered she was capable of more than grunts, and now has quite the repertoire of babbles, squeaks, and squeals.

She has said "dada" for months now, but since Dada is not here, I knew that wasn't a real word. "Mama" entered her vocabulary a while ago, but since she babbles "mamamama" endlessly, I feel presumptuous assuming she means me.

This morning, however, as the dog sniffed her highchair tray, I pointed and said "dog." Lydia replied with a definite "Da!" We repeated this several times. This afternoon, as we left the house, I said "Bye-bye" to Grandma. Lydia said "ba-ba."

First words or more babbling? I never realized it would be so hard to tell.

Yes, My Baby Uses the Potty

2009-03-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

When Lydia and I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is put her on the potty. She usually poops, I wipe her bottom, and put on a fresh diaper. It might sound weird, but I much prefer this over changing a poopy diaper.

What we're doing is a part-time form of elimination communication. Elimination communication (EC) is based on the idea that babies are aware of and try to communicate their elimination needs from birth. Every baby is different, of course, but many newborns will fuss, squirm, or cry just before peeing. By responding to these cues, parents can help a baby stay dry more of the time and help baby stay aware of their needs. (Here's more on Wikipedia.)

Before Lydia was born, I planned to use diapers as backup most of the time, but wanted to start EC from birth. I was too overwhelmed in the beginning however, and EC went to the backburner.

When Lydia was about two or three months old, I started letting her play diaper free sometimes on a waterproof pad. I noticed just before she peed sometimes she would get extra squirmy and recognized that was a cue. Whenever she peed I would make the sound "psss" as she went. After a month or so of this, I could hold her over a diaper or her little potty, make the sound, and she would pee.

As time went on, I went to a more part-time version of EC. For me, paying attention all day became too stressful, but I still usually offer the potty at the typical times she needs to go: just after waking in the morning and from naps, whenever I took her out of the wrap, just after nursing. I also offer if she seems particularly squirmy or seems to be straining to poop.

She is in a diaper most of the time, and some days she might only pee in the potty when she first wakes up. Other days, we're more in sync and she's dry for long periods.

What I love the most is that most of her poop goes in the potty. I also love that she's staying in touch with what it means and feels like to go potty, and she already knows that her diaper is not the only place to go.

How We're Sleeping Now

2009-03-03T20:48:00.000-08:00

In this post, I detailed our trials with cosleeping and how we ended up with Lydia in the Moses basket next to our bed. Here, I mentioned that we transitioned to cosleeping part time and using a crib as well.

It turns out the crib didn't work out so well for us. In the beginning, Lydia didn't nurse to sleep, but she began doing this when she was a few months old. I didn't mind because I would nurse her to sleep and then lay her down wherever I wanted her to be.

Eventually, however, she outgrew this convenient portability. I can't even move her from the sling to the bed or car seat most of the time. This meant she woke up every time I tried to lay her in the crib. Sure, I could regret that I gave up laying her down drowsy-but-awake. Honestly though, that took so much effort and I was so tired in the early days, so I don't really regret my decision.

Laying her down in the crib began to put too much strain on my back anyway. And then during the cold nights of winter when her little fingers would feel like ice, I felt better letting her snuggle next to me under the covers in my bed.

I feel much more comfortable sleeping right next to her now than I did when she was a newborn. Now I can sleep deep enough that I feel rested and I still don't hurt her. Sometimes we each sleep on our own sides of the bed, and other times we sleep snuggled right next to each other.

In the last month, however, I've had her start the night on a sleeping bag on the floor. I'd really like to put a twin mattress on the floor for her, but I don't have enough room right now. When her daddy comes home for a visit, I'm pretty sure we won't all feel comfortable in the queen bed, and I wasn't sure how she would take to the sleeping bag. She sleeps the same as ever on the floor, however.

The floor is even better in some ways. I think I disturb her sometimes when I come to bed, waking her up when she would have kept sleeping. Also, when she has a night of restless sleep, sometimes she fusses when I hamper her tossing and turning. She's still close enough that I don't have far to go to nurse her during the night. And whenever I get tired of getting out from under my covers to nurse her or wonder if she's too cold, I just pull her into bed with me for the rest of the night.

So for me, nighttime continues to be a lesson in creativity and flexibility.

Finally, No Tears at Bedtime

2009-03-01T17:57:00.000-08:00

For months, Lydia often dissolves into wails at bedtime. It's not so much a protest against going to bed (I think she's a little young for that) as much as it's just an end-of-the-day, tired meltdown.

The tears usually start on the changing table. Sometimes she grabs something she can't play with and cries when I take it away. Or she has a toy in each hand and cries when I take one away to put her arms into her PJs. Or sometimes she just cries.

I want bedtime to be a pleasant experience for the two of us, and it just wasn't happening. It ends pleasantly enough as she nurses off to sleep, but I began to notice that the nights she cried a lot first, she also woke up a lot more during the evening before I went to bed. In the interest of better sleep for her and less interruptions for me, I tried to figure out a solution.

Her bedtime is 7 PM, so I couldn't see moving it up any earlier. I do sometimes encourage a quick, late afternoon nap though if her first two naps were shorter than usual.
I wear her more in the late afternoon instead of encouraging her to play alone. Since this is usually when I'm in the kitchen, I easily get irritated with trying to work while holding Lydia on my hip with one hand. However, this time of day is when she's the clingiest, so I either use the sling to keep her on my hip or put her on my back.
The biggest change occurred when I started nursing her once or twice between 4:30 and 7. Lydia is old enough that she may fuss because she's hungry, but she doesn't usually demand to nurse unless she's starving. Late afternoon is a busy time, so I wasn't nursing her much during those hours. The other side effect of extra afternoon nursing is that she had shortened her bedtime snack to sometimes as little as 10 minutes.
I try to make sure Lydia is not holding toys at bedtime so putting on her pajamas doesn't become a dramatic but-mom-just-took-my-toy meltdown. Throughout the process, I'm very conscious to keep her from grabbing any precious tubes of lotion or diaper covers or diaper rash cream. I think the worst was the night she wanted the tub of shea butter, and it was too big for her to hold. Every time it slipped from her fingers, she would begin wailing all over again.

Now, most nights we get through our bedtime routine with a little fussing or a couple minutes of crying at most. Tonight, she was happy enough I gave her a little massage as I put on her lotion.

Even in my pre-baby days, I liked to stop and reflect sometimes about my life, what's working, and what's not. I've found it to be so important as a mom, because now I have Lydia's needs to consider also. She can't tell me exactly what her needs are, and while I understand a lot of her cues, sometimes I don't understand the problem at all. Often, it helps me to stop and reflect, just like I did with bedtime (albeit after several months of wailing).

A Few More Thoughts on Food...

2009-02-24T08:12:00.000-08:00

The hardest part about starting with finger foods was handing a piece of broccoli or fruit to Lydia the first few times, not knowing if everything I'd read about baby-led solids was actually true. I felt so tense those first few meals, watching to make sure she was okay.

From what I've read, it's normal for babies to make gagging sounds as they learn to eat, and those sounds don't mean baby is choking. Of course, whenever I hear that, I check to see what's going on, and sometimes I pulled some food from her mouth if it seemed she had stuffed more in than she could handle.

It also took a bit to learn some little tricks about what worked during the first couple months. Despite what I'd read, I still undercooked the broccoli and didn't know to check sweet potatoes for a tough skin or crusties. Now, however, feeding Lydia is simply a matter of putting more food on her highchair tray before she starts grunting for more.

Finally, I want to make it clear that I don't have anything against purees and baby cereal. Like I said before, I'm lazy and cheap. For me, it's been fun to learn that purees are unnecessary most of the time. On the other hand, some parents really like using the jars or making baby food, and that's cool too. Some babies don't want to feed themselves. To me, after health considerations, what's most important about introducing food is respecting the baby, not whether the peas are whole or pureed.

Green beans and applesauce and Cheerios! Oh, my!

2009-02-17T08:56:00.000-08:00

In my previous post, I wrote about what I liked about the baby-led solids approach. Here's how we got started.

I started with some pieces of banana. She didn't like the banana, however, and looked like she was about to cry when she tasted it. I think next I tried a piece of steamed broccoli. She played with it a little bit and tasted it, but I hadn't steamed it enough and she bit off a piece of the stem. I learned that while I like my veggies al dente, Lydia needs them mushy.

I can't remember what we tried next, but I noticed she shivered when she swallowed the food, so I tried giving her some tastes of foods like applesauce to get used to swallowing something besides milk. I'm sure this wasn't necessary, but it made me feel better. :-)

Since the baby-led solids research shows that babies are more likely to choke when given a spoonful of puree, we started with tastes off my finger, then little tastes off the spoon. She started taking the spoon out of my hand, so I got her some short toddler spoons. Now, I put a small amount on the spoon, hand it to her, and she feeds herself. (Sometimes I keep my fingers on the tip of the handle to help guide it to her mouth.) I still don't make purees though. The spoon-foods we've tried are:

Mild hummus and guacamole
Unsweetened applesauce
Mashed vegetables such as sweet potato or butternut squash
Oatmeal mixed with applesauce
Plain yogurt

At the same time, I've been continuing to let her try different finger foods, and she eats a lot more of these than the foods that need a spoon. I've learned to make sure the foods are a little softer than some of the first things we tried. A mom I know online said she tests foods out by trying to mash it with her tongue in her mouth, and I've found that to be a good guideline for new foods. I've also learned to check some foods for any skin-like covering that won't mash easily in her mouth. It was fun to see how quickly she learned to chew.

First, I gave her foods she could hold in her fist and bite off the top.

Green beans
Long pieces of soft fruits like apricot, peaches, and pears
Broccoli (well steamed)
Asparagus (I let her nibble on the soft ends, and then I ate the rest.)
Strip of whole grain waffle, plain
Sweet potato cut in fry shapes and roasted with a bit of olive oil and cinnamon. (If it's roasted too hot, it gets a skin on it that needs to be peeled off.
I've tried giving her long pieces of chicken to gum, but she's never been very interested in just gumming it, so this didn't work very well for us. I hear some babies like this though.

Now that she's mastered her pincer grasp, I cut or tear her food into small, bite-size pieces. Otherwise, she'll cram a whole slice of fruit into her mouth at once. Now, she especially likes

Cheerios
Corn
Peas
Shredded cheese
Soft chicken breast (My mom pounded it before cooking, and then I mashed it between my fingers before giving Lydia a pea-sized piece.)
Lentils (I squish them between my fingers first.)
Soft vegetables and fruits cut into pea-size pieces. These include potato, sweet potato, pear, and peach.

Next, I'll sum up what I've learned in these last couple months.

Ready, Set, Eat

2009-02-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

I realized that I haven't mentioned anything yet about Lydia's adventures with food. My original plan was to follow a baby-led solids approach, and I wanted to wait until she was seven or eight months to start. Like most plans in the parenting game, I've followed a modified version that I made up as we went along.

The essence of baby-led solids is waiting until baby shows signs of readiness and then starting with soft foods baby can hold and feed herself. Several aspects of the approach resonated with me.

First, the research on baby-led weaning shows that babies are more likely to choke when a spoonful of puree is put in their mouths. Babies are actually able to handle soft foods that they put in their mouths themselves. If they can't get the food in their mouths, they probably aren't ready yet. They can't move the food to the back of their mouth to swallow it until they have the ability to gum or chew the food anyway.

It made sense to me that God would design babies this way. After all, Eve didn't have a baby food maker, and I'm pretty sure there was nowhere to buy Gerber stages 1, 2, and 3 in the Garden either.

I also liked the idea of letting my baby be in charge, so to speak, of her food. I've always felt sorry for babies who have to be coaxed and coerced to eat a bite of cereal, especially when it's obvious they haven't even lost their tongue-thrust reflex yet. Breast milk provides everything a baby needs for the first year, so I didn't see a reason to push food if Lydia wasn't interested. I wanted her to take the lead.

Finally, I'm cheap. I already bypass the aisles of formula and diapers at Wal-Mart, so I thought it would be great to zip right by the baby food aisle too. I'm also lazy, so the idea of making my own purees didn't exactly appeal to me either. And I realized I could eat my own dinner while Lydia fed herself. No playing airplane with the spoon for me!

By six months, Lydia showed all the signs of readiness, except she had no teeth. In addition to being six months, she could sit unsupported, showed an interest in food, had lost her tongue-thrust reflex, and made chewing motions with her mouth. So even though it was earlier than I had planned, I decided to give her some food and see how interested she was.

In my next post, I'll talk about how we got started...